


A Breath of Life

by SymphonyInBlue



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: 5x15 AU, AU, Alicia/Diane friendship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, I apologise to anyone who was hoping I'd keep Will alive in this, McHart, Other, Unplanned Pregnancy, Willicia - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2020-12-09 10:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20993042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymphonyInBlue/pseuds/SymphonyInBlue
Summary: Alicia makes a shocking discovery while dealing with the loss of Will.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is, the story I've had in my head for at least the last 4 years. It stayed in the back of my head for all that time, and it finally started begging me to be written down. I've never written anything for this fandom before and I've not written any fic for the last 7 years, so I might be a bit rusty. But having said that, I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.
> 
> P.S. Some of the dialogue in this first chapter was copied directly from the episode.

“Alicia, it’s me.”

”Yes. Kalinda, what’s wrong?”

”Will’s been shot.”

”He…wh-what do you mean? ”

”There was, uh, gunfire at the courthouse and…he was shot.”

”Will… um…

I don’t understand. By who?”

”His client. I’m in the hospital. Will is dead. I’m sorry Alicia. He… he was killed.”

”I… can’t. I… um… no. But I just saw him yesterday.”

“Alicia, uh. I’ll call you back. I need to speak to the police and then I’ll call you back. I’m sorry.”

*

Alicia had left the event she was at after Eli said he would cover her, and she was just driving around aimlessly now. She couldn’t think, couldn’t wrap her head around what Kalinda just told her. Will couldn’t be dead; he just couldn’t be. They had finally buried the hatchet and had stopped being hostile to one another. And now that they were being civil to each other she had hoped that someday, they might even be friends again. And the knowledge that none of this would ever happen now was too painful to even think about.

She didn’t want to go home but she couldn’t face going to the office either. The news probably hadn’t reached Florrick/Agos yet and Alicia wasn’t in any state to break the news to anyone just now. They would probably hear it from someone else soon enough. After she broke down behind the wheel of her car, she drove to the only place that made sense to her at that moment.

Stepping off the elevator at Lockhart/Gardner the realisation hit her that she’d never be able to come up here to see Will ever again.

As she saw Diane walking towards her, she could only stand and wait until the older woman reached her and wrapped her arms around her. Both broke down crying, their differences pushed aside by the pain and grief that united them.

*

A while later they were sitting in Diane’s office, not saying much, each of them wrapped up in their own thoughts. Just fifteen minutes earlier Diane had told Alicia that it was Jeffrey Grant who had shot Will.

“I feel like I’m trapped in my own nightmare desperately trying to wake up, but somehow unable to do so” said Diane.

Alicia just nodded in agreement.

“And the most horrifying part of it all”, Diane said, glaring at all the employees who just “happened” to walk past so they could catch a glimpse of their boss, “is that the vultures are already circling around Will’s clients.”

“There’s no humanity left in this business,” she continued. “Either that, or I’ve become soft over the years and the business was always like this.”

Alicia sighed. “That’s what always set you and Will apart from a lot of other lawyers. You’re not like that. That’s why I always liked working here.”

That comment managed to alleviate the overwhelming sadness for just a moment, and Diane even managed a small smile. The moment was broken, however, when David Lee interrupted and called Diane away.

In the meantime, Alicia got a call from Cary asking her why she wasn’t there for the deposition. She broke the news to Cary about Will, trying with all her might to fight back the tears and not break down during the call. She cut the call short and said she’d call him back, because she knew she’d not be able to keep talking without crying.

And that’s when she saw the missed calls she’d had that day. One each from Kalinda and Diane, trying to get a hold of her. And one from Will.

It felt as if her heart stopped beating momentarily. Will had tried to call her that very morning, but she had been too busy to even notice. And now it was too late.

Shaking slightly, she tapped play and braced herself to hear the last words he would ever speak to her.

_Will: “Alicia.”_

_Judge Politi: “Mr. Gardner, we’re just about ready here.”_

_Will: H-hold on your honour. I’ll call you back.”_

Alicia’s hands were shaking as she lowered the phone. Her mind was reeling, the office was spinning. She had no idea why Will had needed to call her that morning, and now she would never know. If only that damn judge hadn’t interrupted.

At that precise moment Diane stepped back into the office again and noticed that Alicia looked even paler than before.

“Alicia, what’s wrong?”

“I uh…. I had a voicemail from Will, from this morning. But he got interrupted by the judge and said he’d call me back. But of course, he never got a chance to…” her voice trailed off. “Do you know why he needed to talk to me?”

“I have no idea why he would call” Diane said.

“He called at 11.30. Wasn’t he in court?” Alicia asked

“They must’ve been on a break” Diane answered.

“Was he upset?”

“At?” Diane asked.

“Me.”

“No, why?”

“Candace came to our firm. We poached her just yesterday. She was Will’s client” Alicia replied.

Diane shook her head. “Will had dealt with all of that.”

Alicia looked up. “You sure?”

Diane looked her straight in the eye. “You can blame yourself for anything you want, but Will was… He was moving fast on a lot of fronts. He was…”

Diane put a hand over her mouth, too overcome with emotions to continue talking.

Alicia sighed.

“I loved him” said Diane.

Alicia tried to smile and nodded. “I know.”

“He loved you.”

Unable to respond and fighting back even more tears, Alicia moved to get up and leave.

Diane, realising this had been too confrontational, grabbed her hand as she moved towards the office door. “You can stay if you want.”

“No.” She squeezed Diane’s hand reassuringly and walked out.

*

Standing in the elevator, she played every possible scenario for Will’s phone call in her head. Was he angry with her about something regarding a case? Maybe the fact that Jeffrey Grant’s parents had contacted her for a second opinion?

Or maybe just anger in general about the way things were now, with her and Cary at her own firm.

But they had talked through all that and there were no hard feelings. Moreover, Diane had just confirmed that Will had put all of that behind him.

Perhaps his call would’ve been on a happier note. Maybe he just wanted to talk, about them, about giving it another go. About trying to have good timing for once.

Maybe he wanted to talk about that night…

No, she quite literally tried to shake off the thought. She would only make herself go even more crazy by trying to speculate about things she couldn’t, and sadly would never know.

At that precise moment the elevator reached the parking garage and she hurried to her car. Cary would not expect her to come in today, so she headed straight home.

*

The moment she opened her front door, Zach and Grace both came rushing towards her.

“Mom, thank god you’re ok” Grace said.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Alicia asked, sounding confused.

“We heard about the shooting at the courthouse,” Zach answered. “We weren’t sure if you were in court today, but when we called your office and nobody knew where you were we got worried.”

“N-no I wasn’t there today. But why didn’t you just try calling my cell?” Alicia asked.

“We tried, but you didn’t answer,” Grace replied, close to tears.

“I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t have any missed calls from you. Otherwise I would’ve called you back immediately, I swear.” Alicia looked at her children. “You two must’ve been so worried. I’m sorry, come here.” She pulled them close to her and hugged them tightly.

Eventually Grace broke the silence. “Did anyone get hurt mom?

Alicia drew in a very shaky breath. “Yes,” she said softly.

“Anyone you know?” asked Zach.

Alicia feared her legs would give way at any moment, so she let go of her children and moved to sit on one of the barstools in the kitchen.

Zach and Grace followed her and moved to stand on the opposite side of the counter.

“My old boss, Will. H-he… he didn’t make it.”

Zach was visibly shocked, and Grace’s eyes were brimming with tears, which was all Alicia needed to be pushed over the edge. She vowed that she’d put up a brave face in front of her kids, but the emotions overwhelmed her, and she burst into tears.

Both kids rushed over to her to comfort her. “I’m so sorry mom,” Grace whispered. “I know he was your friend.”

Alicia sniffed and tried to get her breathing under control. “Thanks sweetheart.” She looked at the both of them. “I’ll be ok, I just need some time. I’m gonna lie down for a bit, ok?”

Both Zach and Grace nodded. “Get some rest mom,” Zach said. “And don’t worry, we’ll order a pizza or something for dinner.”

Alicia smiled at her children. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” they replied in unison.

Alicia walked into her room, closed the door and kicked off her shoes. Without even bothering to get undressed she curled up under the covers. It was hard to believe that when she’d woken up this morning, it had been a day just like any other. And suddenly everything was turned upside down.

She was all cried out for the moment, but she was sure many more tears would flow. But suddenly an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion overtook her, and she fell into a restless, fitful slumber.

*

The first thing Diane did when she walked through her front door was kick off her shoes. She still couldn’t believe how this supposedly uneventful day had turned into her worst nightmare. She was supposed to have an easy, straightforward deposition and perhaps a few meetings here and there. But instead, she had lost her best friend and business partner in one fell swoop.

Her thought process got interrupted by a little furball that came bouncing towards her, overexcited about the fact that her favourite human was finally home.

Diane knelt down to scratch the dog behind her ear. “Hello Justice, hello girl. Did you miss me?” she cooed.

She sat down in the middle of her hallway and put the dog in her lap, pulled her close and let out a deep sigh. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice the figure who had appeared in the doorway.

His low, gruff voice alerted her to his presence. “Are you okay?”

Diane looked up and managed a small smile. “Not really,” she answered, “but I’m glad to be home.”

The dog jumped off her lap as Kurt walked over to her. Diane stuck out her arms and Kurt helped her up and pulled her tight against him. Diane sunk into his embrace and buried her face in his chest, allowing the tears to flow freely again in the comforting embrace of her husband.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of have read, commented on and have left kudos on the story so far. There's much more to come and I hope you'll like it!

The next week passed in a blur for Alicia. Even though Cary had tried to make her take the week off she’d refused, arguing that she’d be better off working because needed the distraction. And it wasn’t a lie. She knew she’d go crazy if she stayed cooped up at home.

But at the same time it proved difficult to actually focus on anything she was doing. She went through the motions of going to work and meeting with clients, and she was just glad she didn’t have any important court cases that required her full, undivided attention.

Will’s body had been released to his family relatively quickly, as the investigation into the shooting seemed pretty straightforward, and the funeral was planned for exactly a week after his death.

Alicia naturally dreaded the moment with every fibre of her being. Up until now she had been able to live in an odd state of denial, where she could kind of pretend he’d just gone away for a bit and could be back any moment. Of course she was blatantly lying to herself, but it was this coping mechanism that got her through that first, hellish week.

But she wouldn’t be able to live in denial any longer once she was actually there at the funeral. The human psyche might be powerful, but not that powerful.

On the morning of the funeral Alicia could barely drag herself out of bed. She felt as if she’d been hit by a truck, and probably looked like it as well. She stumbled into the shower and stood there for a good 15 minutes, just letting the water cascade over her as she tried to mentally prepare herself for the day ahead.

The funeral wasn’t until early afternoon, but she had taken the day off work because she knew full well that she wouldn’t be able to get any work done anyway. Since most of the people at Florrick/Agos were former Lockhart/Gardner employees, Cary and Alicia had decided to close the firm for the afternoon so everybody could pay their last respects to Will.

Peter had offered to come with her to the funeral, despite the fact that they’d had a huge fight just a few days earlier in which Alicia had told him that she’d stay married to him for appearance’s sake, but that their marriage was essentially over. Alicia had politely declined his offer, saying that having him there would attract unwanted attention, not to mention the security detail that followed the Governor’s every move. What she didn’t say was that she personally didn’t want him there either. She couldn’t bear the thought of Peter being there while she paid her last respects to Will.

*

Alicia, Diane and Cary shared a cab to the funeral, as none of them felt like driving. The drive there passed mostly in silence since nobody felt like talking. Cary was staring out of the window, Diane was staring down at her hands and fidgeting with her wedding ring, and Alicia was trying very hard to keep her breakfast down.

She hadn’t felt like eating at all that day, or for the past few days for that matter, but Zach and Grace had made her French toast, so she had forced herself to eat some because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

The number of people that showed up at the funeral was astounding, and just affirmed how widely loved and respected Will had been. Alicia spotted quite a few fellow lawyers and a number of judges among the attendees.

They offered their condolences to Will’s parents and Alicia hugged his sisters, whom she had met a few times back in the day at Georgetown. They then took their seats and the service began. For Alicia, most of the service passed in a blur. She was so consumed by her own hurt and emotions that she wasn’t fully aware of what was happening around her.

Not wanting to draw any attention to herself, she bowed her head and soundlessly let the tears trickle down her face. At some point she felt someone squeeze her hand. She looked to the side and noticed it was Cary. Her gaze met his, and she noticed that his eyes were also brimming with tears.

*

A few hours later Alicia found herself sitting in a fancy bar with Diane, both sipping a Martini. All the others, including Cary, had decided to go home.

“If I die before you, please don’t let them read Wind Beneath My Wings at my funeral,” Alicia said as she took another sip of her drink.

Diane’s forehead creased into a frown. “Who knew it had so many verses?”

They both chuckled at that remark.

Diane took another gulp of her Martini. “You think that we didn’t know him, or his family didn’t?”

“Maybe he changed,” Alicia replied.

“They said he liked night-time walks in the snow? He hated the snow.” Diane said, full of disbelief.

They both chuckled again.

“And what about all that food?” Alicia added. “I didn’t know he cooked.”

Diane laughed. “He didn’t! They’re crazy.”

“I need another drink,” Alicia said as she fished the olives out of her empty glass.

Diane gestured to the bartender to order two more and folded her arms across the bar. “We were like the two mistresses at the Irish funeral.”

Alicia nodded. “Yep.”

Diane sighed. “Oh, I’m sorry, I meant that metaphorically.”

“I know,” Alicia nodded and laughed.

At that moment their new drinks arrived and they each raised their glass.

“To Will,” Alicia said.

“To Will, a real man,” Diane added. “He shall be missed.”

*

When Alicia fell into bed that night the room was spinning around her. She and Diane had stayed at that bar for far longer than intended and had drunk much more than they’d planned as well.

They’d talked about everything from childhood hopes and dreams to disappointing their parents, good and embarrassing memories of Will, and Diane had even hinted at the possibility of merging their firms.

Alicia hadn’t been too sure about it at first, whether because of the drink or because of genuine worries was hard to tell at this point. And she would have to discuss it with Cary who would almost certainly veto it.

But Diane’s suggestion had planted a seed in the back of her mind, where it would continue to germinate in the weeks to come.

Worn out by all the emotions and the impressive number of Martinis, Alicia was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

*

The next week at work hit her particularly hard. Cary noticed, and had once again insisted that she take some time off, but again she argued that she would go crazy being cooped up in her apartment and that it would be better if she got some work done. At least it should take her mind off things and might help her get back into the swing of things faster.

And it did do just that up to a point, but the breaking point came during the cross examination of the husband in the Mercer divorce. Diane, who was part of the opposing counsel, noticed how Alicia’s questions directed as Professor Mercer, delving into empirical materialism and the meaning of life hit her hard.

Alicia fled the courtroom as soon as the judge adjourned the case until the following morning. Diane had intended to go after her to make sure she was okay, but she was still talking to her client at that time and it would’ve seemed rude to just run after her in the middle of a conversation.

Alicia left the courthouse and pulled her coat more tightly around her, trying to keep out the bitter Chicago wind. It was the end of March, but the snow still hadn’t melted away completely. She broke down before she had even made it to her car. She had assured Cary that it wouldn’t happen, but yet it did.

She headed home and, mirroring her arrival home on the evening of Will’s death, she dropped her purse, kicked off her shoes and dove straight under the duvet without bothering to get undressed.

That’s where Zach and Grace found her hours later when they arrived home from school. They expressed their worries about their mother’s wellbeing, because she looked genuinely sick and her face looked blotchy from all the crying.

Grace told her that her phone had been buzzing non-stop and handed it to her. Alicia glanced at it briefly and saw the notifications about missed calls and voicemail messages, but it was as if it didn’t register with her. She put the phone on her nightstand and dove back under the covers in an unsuccessful attempt to shut out the world around her.

*

All she managed in the end was a text to Cary to say she was sorry, but that she wouldn’t be coming in for a few days because she wasn’t feeling well.

Zach and Grace fussed over her, bringing her cups of tea and trying to get her to eat something. Of course, Alicia appreciated the concern her children were expressing, but most of all she just wanted to sleep, which is what she did for most of the time while they were at school.

As the days wore on, she started to feel progressively worse. Whether it was because she’d barely eaten in days, had had a serious lack of fresh air and exercise, her psyche playing tricks on her or all of these combined was hard to tell but in any case, it wasn’t good.

She often experienced dizzy spells when she tried to get up. Her children tried to get her to eat at least something every day, even if it was just a piece of toast, but more often than not she ended up throwing up what she’d eaten straight afterwards.

On Saturday evening, the fourth day in a row that Alicia had been like this, Grace knocked on Zach’s bedroom door.

“Zach?” she started as she entered his room. “Don’t you think we should do something about mom?”

Zach shrugged his shoulders. “I guess, but I’m not sure what we can do. She’s pretty unresponsive and doesn’t seem to want anything.”

Grace sighed. “I know, but we can’t just let this continue. I’m worried that something’s seriously wrong with her. Maybe we should call dad.”

Zach shook his head. “No, he’s in Springfield so that’s not a good idea. And besides, I’m not sure mom would appreciate it if we called dad. They’re not exactly getting along great at the moment. I heard her yell at him and kicking him out the other day. I think she thought I couldn’t hear them, but I did.”

“Then what should we do?” Grace asked. “I don’t think she’d be too happy if we called grandma either.”

“Jackie or Veronica?” Zach asked.

“Either,” replied Grace. “But maybe we can call uncle Owen?”

Zach nodded. “That’s probably our safest bet.”

“Ok,” Grace said, “I’ll give him a call.”

*

Owen knocked on the apartment door about 20 minutes later and Grace quickly let him in.

“What’s up Grace, what’s so urgent?” he asked, sounding worried.

Grace quickly explained the situation to him. “She’s spent most of her time in bed and she’s been sleeping a lot. I only hear her get up to go to the bathroom and she’s been throwing up as well. She won’t really eat either. I think she should see a doctor.”

Owen nodded. “This doesn’t sound good and more importantly, it doesn’t sound like your mom at all. I’ll go and talk to her. You stay here,” he gestured to Grace and Zach, who had just joined them in the kitchen.

He quietly opened the bedroom door and quickly entered, closing the door behind him.

“Hey sis,” he whispered to the pile of blankets and pillows bunched up on the bed. He could just about see the top of her head sticking out from it.

Alicia squinted as she tried to look up at him. “Owen, wh-what are you doing here?”

He sat down on the bed next to her. “Staging an intervention. Your kids are worried about you, and from where I’m sitting they have every right to be worried. You’re not looking good, sis.”

Alicia softly shook her head, which caused the room to spin around her. “No, I’m fine. I just need a couple more days and I’ll be back on my feet. Nothing to worry about.”

“Grace says you haven’t been eating and that you’ve barely left your bed. That doesn’t sound like doing fine to me.”

Before Alicia could protest, Grace walked in. “Mom, please listen to uncle Owen. You’re not well, and I think you should see a doctor.”

“Grace, sweetie, I’m fine. I just need to rest for a bit.”

“But you’ve been doing that for days, and you’re only getting worse,” Grace protested.

Alicia groaned as she tried to sit up in bed. Owen placed a hand on her forehead. “Leesh, you’re feeling clammy. We need to get you to a doctor.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Alicia protested. “And besides, it’s Saturday night. Where are we going to find a doctor at this hour?”

“Alright, I’ll take you to the ER then,” Owen said resolutely.

Alicia groaned again. “The last thing I want is spend my entire evening in the ER, that’ll only make me feel worse. Look, I promise I’ll go see a doctor on Monday, ok? And I’ll go take a shower and try to eat something. Is that enough to get you two off my back?”

Both Grace and Owen nodded.

“Ok mom.”

“If that’s what you want sis.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I know you mean well, and I’m glad that you’re looking out for me like this. But don’t worry, it’ll pass.”

“Come on, let’s see if we can find your mom something to eat,” Owen said to Grace and they exited the bedroom.

Alicia headed for the bathroom, undressed and stepped into the shower. She had never felt like this in all her life and had no idea that grief could do this to a person. She didn’t yet know how, but she was determined to get back to normal as soon as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Alicia mindlessly leafed through a magazine, impatiently tapping her foot as she did so. She was sitting in the waiting room of her doctor’s office and it was taking forever. Or at least, that’s what it felt like. She wasn’t sure how long she’d actually been sitting there.

As promised, she had called her doctor first thing on Monday morning. She was already feeling a little better, but she had promised Grace and Owen she’d go see a doctor and she wasn’t one to renege on a promise. Luckily, they’d just had a cancellation, so she was able to come in that same morning. After explaining the situation and her symptoms over the phone, she was asked to bring a urine sample with her, and the assistant had drawn some blood and had done various other tests when she’d first arrived. 

So now she was just playing the waiting game, getting more and more impatient by the minute. She was sure there was nothing wrong with her and that all of this would blow over in a matter of days. But it was never a bad thing to get a check-up, which she hadn’t had in a while, and this way she hoped to put everyone’s mind at ease, her children’s as well as her brother’s. 

“Alicia Florrick?” She heard her name being called out. 

She got up and walked towards the reception desk.

“The doctor will see you now,” the assistant said with a smile.

“Thank you,” Alicia reciprocated the smile and walked straight into the office.

As soon as she stepped through the door, a petite Asian woman wearing a white coat got up and stuck out her hand. “Mrs. Florrick, it’s been a while. Which is a good thing, of course,” she added.

Alicia shook her hand. “Dr. Chen, good to see you. And it has been a while indeed. Guess I’m lucky that I don’t get sick very often.”

“Please, have a seat,” Dr. Chen gestured to the chair on the other side of her desk. 

Alicia slung her coat over the back of the chair and sat down, placing her handbag on the floor next to her. 

“So, what seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.

Taking a deep breath, Alicia started to explain. “Well, let me start by saying that I don’t actually think I’m sick. I recently lost someone very close to me and it happened very sudden. So I’ve been having a hard time coping with this loss, which has affected me both mentally as well as physically.”

She went on to describe her breakdown the previous week, explaining how she hadn’t been able to get out of bed for days. The doctor nodded understandingly but didn’t say anything until Alicia had finished. 

“And before this happened you felt completely normal?” the doctor asked.

Alicia nodded. “Yes, well of course I was sad, and I was grieving. But this immense feeling of grief just took me by surprise and overpowered everything else. I’ve never felt this powerless in my entire life. It actually made me feel physically sick.”

Dr. Chen tapped some keys on the keyboard of her computer. “Your blood pressure is a little high, but not worryingly so. That is to be expected, considering the amount of stress you’ve been under. Are you taking any medication at the moment?”

Alicia shook her head. “No, nothing.”

“Have you travelled at all in recent months? Been abroad by any chance?”

Again, Alicia shook her head. “Nothing exotic. I’ve only been to New York recently, but that’s about it. I wish I could find the time for a proper vacation.” 

That last remark made the doctor smile. “Don’t we all?” she replied.

“Are you on any form of hormonal birth control?”

“No,” said Alicia. “I used to have an IUD, but I had it taken out a couple of years ago. I didn’t like how it made me feel. Gave me terrible mood swings.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s a pretty common symptom. And how’s your cycle? Would you say it’s regular?”

Alicia laughed. “I wish. It’s pretty erratic at the best of times, but lately it’s been all over the place. I started my own law firm a few months ago, and let’s just say that things have been even more stressful than usual,” she explained. 

“Again, that sounds all too familiar,” Dr. Chen nodded in agreement. “Do you remember when you had your last period by any chance?”

Alicia took a moment to think. “I’m not sure to be honest. Maybe like 6 weeks ago?”

“So that’s normal for you?” asked the doctor.

She nodded. She’d been doing a lot of that during this appointment. “Pretty normal, yes.”

The doctor then proceeded to ask her a bunch of other questions. How well she’d been sleeping in recent months, her alcohol intake, her diet, whether she regularly took a multivitamin, if she took regular exercise. Alicia answered all her questions patiently.

“Well,” the doctor concluded, “I can’t seem to draw any definitive conclusion from all the information you’ve given me. There doesn’t really appear to be anything wrong with you, but I’m having a hard time attributing some of your symptoms simply to grief and exhaustion. We’re having your blood and urine samples checked as we speak, so if you could take a seat in the waiting room again, we’ll call you back in as soon as we’ve got the results.”

*

It was nearly 11 am and Alicia was still waiting, and she was bored out of her mind. It had been nearly 45 minutes since the doctor had asked her to sit and wait for her test results to come back in. Surely it shouldn’t take that long?

Just as she was about to get up and ask if it would be much longer, she heard her name being called out again.

Once again, she took a seat in Dr. Chen’s office. 

The doctor smiled encouragingly at her. “Well, I’ve got the results here, and I’ve got some good news. There’s nothing seriously wrong with you, but you probably knew that already.”

“That’s a relief,” Alicia said. “So, what’s the advice? Make sure I eat better, take regular exercise, avoid stress and stay off the alcohol?” She laughed.

The doctor laughed and nodded. “That’s something I would of course always advice everyone to do, so you’re no different. But your tests did point out something else as well, which explains the symptoms that I had a hard time pinpointing earlier.”

“What do you mean?” Alicia asked. “You said there was nothing wrong with me.”

Shaking her head, the doctor said, “no, nothing’s wrong with you per se.’

“Then what is it?” Alicia asked, sounding worried.

“Well, I don’t know how else to say this Alicia but, you’re pregnant.”

Alicia gasped audibly. “I’m… what? N-no that can’t be right.”

The doctor shook her head. “I’m afraid these tests are pretty accurate. And it ties in with your nausea and dizzy spells.”

Alicia just shook her head, unable to process what the doctor just told her. A million thoughts flashed through her head all at once, but nothing she could make sense of.

“I understand that a pregnancy doesn’t exactly fit in with your situation,” the doctor continued.

“What situation?” Alicia asked, alarmed.

“Well, your job for one thing, your age, the fact that you already have two teenagers at home.”

“Oh, that,” Alicia said. “No, it’s not exactly something I’d envisioned at this stage of my life. I’m sorry if I’m not making sense right now, by the way. I’m having a hard time processing it all.”

Dr. Chen smiled encouragingly. “I completely understand. And I don’t wish to be too forward but know that you have options. Just because you have children, doesn’t make you obligated to have any more.”

Alicia’s head shot up. “You mean? N-no, I d-don’t think I’d want that.”

The doctor shook her head. “I’m not suggesting anything. I’m just saying that you have options. In any case, you should take a few days to think things over, let it all sink in.”

Alicia nodded, unsure of what to say. Then suddenly something dawned on her. “There is something else. I had a lot to drink last week, after the funeral. Do you think that could’ve harmed the baby?”

“That’s actually more common than you might think, women who drink alcohol prior to learning they’re pregnant,” said the doctor. “Especially when it’s unplanned. In these early stages of pregnancy studies have shown that it’s pretty much an all or nothing situation, meaning that if it had affected the foetus negatively it would most probably have resulted in a miscarriage. So I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you, as long as you of course refrain from drinking alcohol from now on.”

Alicia sighed. “That’s a relief. And of course, I’ll be staying off the alcohol,” she reassured the doctor.

Dr. Chen smiled encouragingly at her. “Try not to worry too much. But at the same time, it’s early days so you’re not out of the woods just yet.”

“I know,” nodded Alicia. “I just can’t believe how I managed to miss all the signs though. Especially since I’ve been through this twice before.”

“Again, that’s also more common than you think,” said the doctor. “You weren’t planning for or expecting this, so it’s completely normal that you didn’t make the connection between your symptoms and your condition.”

“In the meantime,” the doctor continued, “make sure to get enough rest, make sure you’re eating enough and try to watch your stress levels. And you can schedule a follow-up appointment with your ob/gyn at the front desk on your way out, let’s say about four weeks from now,” she said. 

“Thanks, I’ll do that.”

Both the doctor and Alicia got up. “And if anything happens in the meantime or you feel unwell, make sure to call us and come in straightaway.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you, doctor.” Alicia shook her hand and exited the office. 

On the walk back to her car her head was spinning. Her palms were sweaty, and her heart was thumping so fast it felt as though it could burst out of her chest at any moment. She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t wrap her head around it. She was pregnant. Pregnant, at her age.

And not just that. She was pregnant with Will’s baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've not really had a lot of response for the previous chapter, so I hope people are still enjoying this story. In any case I am really enjoying the writing process, so I will definitely continue with it. If you have a moment to spare I'd love a review, even if it's just a few words.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but I've just been really busy in recent weeks (the joys of self-employment). I've got a few more chapters written down that just need some editing, so I will try to stick to a bit more regular updating schedule. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Diane stepped off the elevator at Lockhart/Gardner and wanted nothing more than to hide away in her office for a couple of hours. She was arguing a particularly tough case in court, which was only made more difficult by the fact that she hadn’t slept properly in over a week. Whenever she tried to lay down and go to sleep, the events of the court shooting kept playing over and over in her head and she was unable to make it stop.

The persisting insomnia was beginning to affect her work and she had no idea how to deal with it. It was only two o’clock and she was already exhausted. She glanced over at Will’s eerily empty office and sighed. She quickly turned her head and headed for her own office, before her emotions could take the upper hand. 

Opening the door to her office, she noticed someone was already inside. Alicia was sitting on the couch in her office, staring down at her feet. She looked up when she heard Diane walk in.

“Alicia, is everything alright? What are you doing here?” she asked.

When Alicia looked up Diane could tell she’d been crying. “I’m sorry to just barge in here like this, but I didn’t know where else to go,” she said, sniffing.

Diane walked over and sat down next to her, placing her hands on top of Alicia’s and giving them a squeeze. “Not at all. Like I said, my door is always open. What’s the matter?”

Alicia began rambling, more to herself than to anyone else. It was difficult to make sense of anything she was saying. “I don’t understand why this is happening to me. As if my life isn’t already complicated enough as it is. It isn’t fair,” she sniffed.

“What isn’t fair? I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about,” asked Diane, looking confused. “Talk to me Alicia. What’s wrong?”

Alicia burst into tears again and buried her face in her hands. The sobs racked her body and Diane was unsure whether to comfort her or let her be for a moment. 

After taking a moment to compose herself she lifted her head and looked at Diane, her cheeks streaked with tears. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered. “And it’s Will’s.”

Diane’s right hand covered her mouth in disbelief. For a moment she didn’t know what to say. Out of all the things Alicia could’ve told her in that moment, this outcome was about as far from her mind as possible. Noticing that Alicia was about to break down again, she pulled her into a hug to try and comfort her. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re gonna be ok,” she whispered as Alicia cried and buried her face in her shoulder. She held her close and rubbed a hand down her back in a circular motion as a means of comfort. 

Alicia pulled back again after a moment and looked at Diane. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”

“But I don’t understand,” Diane began. “I thought you two had broken it off ages ago.”

Alicia nodded. “We did. This was just the one time, when we were at the American Bar Association event in New York. And the chances of me getting pregnant like that at my age, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was less than 1%. Just my luck I guess.”

“We were in New York about six weeks ago,” Diane quickly calculated. “When did you find out?”

“Just this morning,” Alicia replied. “And you’re the first person I’ve told. I’m so sorry to just come in here and spring this on you, I’m sure you’re very busy. But I just didn’t know who else to talk to.”

Diane smiled reassuringly at her. “It’s okay. I’m always here if you need to talk.”

“Thank you, Diane. Really. It means a lot.”

“So, have you decided what you’re going to do?” Diane asked tentatively.

“I never thought I’d be saying this again but, I guess I’m going to have a baby,” Alicia said, and she managed something resembling a smile.

“You sure?” Diane asked.

Alicia nodded. “I am. I mean, I can’t possibly not have it. It’s all I have left of Will, and if he’d been here I’m pretty sure he would’ve wanted to have it as well.”

Diane nodded in agreement, “I think so too. He once told me he wasn’t against the idea of having kids per se, but that it would have to be with the right person. And I don’t think Will could’ve thought of anyone better suited than you.”

Alicia looked as if she was about to burst into tears again. Diane grabbed her hand and squeezed it briefly. “You’ll be alright. And I’m here for you. If anything’s the matter just call me, day or night, okay?”

“Thank you, I will. You’ve no idea how much that means to me Diane.” She looked at her watch. “I should go now. I’ve got so much to do before the kids get out of school, and I’m sure I’ve taken up too much of your time as it is.” 

“Okay, well keep me posted. And like I said, call me if you need anything. At any time.”

Alicia got up and headed for the door. “I will. I’ll talk to you soon.” She turned around one last time before exiting the office and smiled at Diane. “Thank you.”

*

Talking to Diane had helped. Her thoughts were still all over the place and she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around the events of today. But at least the immediate panic had died down, so she was somewhat capable of thinking something resembling coherent thoughts.

She had no idea how she was going to deal with all this. She never thought she’d find herself in this situation again, let alone with anyone other than her husband. And oh god, Peter, how was she going to tell him? She would have to officially divorce him, and he definitely wouldn’t be happy about that. Surely his popularity among his constituents would plummet once the divorce was made public. Not that this was an immediate concern of hers, but it was something he or Eli would most definitely be bringing up. 

And she hadn’t even thought about how she’d tell her kids. Under normal circumstances she would’ve waited a few weeks before telling anyone. She was only six weeks pregnant after all and so much could still go wrong, especially at her age. But it was Grace who had urged her to go see a doctor, so she couldn’t just lie and tell her everything was fine. And then there was her mom, and Owen… it was all so overwhelming. 

She tried with all her might to banish Will from her thoughts for a moment but found herself unable to do so. She couldn’t even imagine how she was going to get through this without him. What she wanted most of all at that moment was for him to wrap his strong arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But that would never happen again, which was a reality she had to face if she were to stand a chance of getting through this. 

When she’d woken up this morning everything seemed fine, but for the second time in just over two weeks her life had been turned completely upside down again. 

The first thing she did when she arrived home was call Cary to let him know she’d be coming into work again the next day. He had been picking up enough of the slack recently, so she felt it was time to get back to work and live up to her responsibilities as name partner. And she guessed it would probably feel good to have something to do. At least it would stop her from worrying and overanalysing the situation every two seconds. 

She tidied up the house and decided to start on dinner. That way everything would be ready by the time the kids got home and they would have time to sit down and talk. 

Both of them had extracurricular activities after school, so by the time they walked through the door around six o’clock Alicia was a nervous wreck. She had no idea how she’d break the news to them and she couldn’t even begin to guess how they’d react. And worst of all, she couldn’t even have a glass of wine to help steady the nerves.

“How was school?” she called out from the kitchen as they were putting down their bags and hanging up their coats, trying to act as normal as possible.

“Pretty good,” said Zach as he walked over to her. “I got an A on my history paper.” 

Before Alicia could even respond to this and tell him she was proud of him, Grace interrupted the conversation. She clearly wasn’t in the mood for small talk. “How did it go at the doctor’s? What did she say?”

Alicia gestured to her kids to follow her into the living room. As much as she was dreading this moment, she figured it was best to just get it over with. “Come here. I have something to tell you, so it’s probably best if you sit down.”

Both Zach and Grace followed her, sat down on the couch and shot each other a worried look. Alicia decided to sit on the coffee table so she could face the both of them.

“You sound serious mom. You’re not sick, are you?” Grace sounded nervous. 

Alicia shook her head. “No, I’m not sick. But what I have to tell you is pretty big, not to mention life-changing.” 

“Now you’re making me nervous as well mom, what is it?” Zach asked. 

Alicia took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Zach and Grace said in unison. This was the last thing they were expecting to hear. 

“But how can you be pregnant? Dad is never even here,” Zach said.

“And don’t take this the wrong way mom, but aren’t you a little old to be pregnant?” Grace added.

“Okay, one thing at a time.” Alicia decided to address Grace’s question first. “Yes, Grace, I’m a little on the older side to be pregnant. But it’s not unheard of, and I’m not that old.”

She then turned to Zach. “And as for your question, that’s what makes things even more complicated.” Alicia paused for a moment. “Dad is not the father of this baby.”

Both kids looked even more confused than before. “But… but how is that even possible? Were you seeing someone else?” asked Grace.

“You were cheating on dad?” Zach added.

“Hey, he cheated on her first,” Grace retorted. 

Alicia held up her hands. The last thing she wanted was for her kids to start fighting over this. “Stop it you two, please. I’ll tell you, but just let me talk. Okay?” 

She took a moment before continuing. “Yes, I was with someone for a while. I know I’m still legally married to your father, but as you’ve probably noticed we haven’t really been together for quite some time now. And I know that’s not an excuse. It doesn’t make it right to just be with someone else in this situation, but that’s what happened.”

“So, is it anyone we know?” Grace asked.

Alicia nodded. “Yes, it’s Will Gardner.” 

“Your old boss? But he died?” Zach said.

“Yes, it happened not long before he died,” Alicia replied, trying with all her might to stop herself from crying. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in front of her kids. They’d seen her cry often enough to last them a lifetime in recent weeks. 

“What’s gonna happen now?” Grace asked. “What are you going to do?”

“The first thing that needs to happen is that I have to talk to your dad,” Alicia answered. “So please, please don’t say anything until I’ve had a chance to speak to him. He really needs to hear this from me.”

Both kids nodded. “Don’t worry mom,” said Grace, “we won’t say anything.”

Zach suddenly got up. “Can I be excused? I have some homework I need to finish before dinner,” he asked, clearly feeling very uncomfortable about the whole situation and in desperate need to get away from it.

“Sure, go ahead,” said Alicia.

When Zach had left the room, she sat down next to Grace. “Are you okay?” she asked, pushing a strand of hair out of her daughter’s face.

Grace nodded. “I think so. What about you? Are you… are you happy?”

“Honestly? I have no idea. I’m sure I will be at some point. For now, I’m mainly confused and a little scared.” Alicia smiled at her daughter.

“Zach’s not taking this so well, is he?” Grace continued. 

Alicia shook her head. “I think he just needs to get used to the idea; we all do. He just needs some time. I’m sure he’ll come around soon.”

Grace shifted closer and hugged her mother. “Don’t worry mom, we’ll be okay. And I’ll help you take care of it. I’ve always wanted to have a little brother or sister.” 

Alicia planted a kiss on the top of her head and let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. “Thank you, sweetie.”

*

A few hours later Alicia was lying in bed, trying to go over the case notes for a deposition the next day. But she couldn’t concentrate on anything. Her eyes skimmed the pages, but not a word of what she was reading registered with her. She had hoped it would provide some welcome distraction, but the events of the day occupied every corner of her mind and left little room for anything else. 

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door.

The door opened and Zach peered into the room. “Hi mom, can I come in?

Alicia put the file down next to her and took off her glasses. “Of course, sweetie, come on in.”

Zach walked over to her side of the bed, unsure of what to do. Alicia patted the bed, gesturing that he should sit down.

“Mom, I’m sorry about how I reacted earlier,” he said as he sat down next to her on the bed. 

Alicia grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “That’s okay, I understand. It’s come as a shock to all of us. I didn’t expect either of you to jump for joy at the news.” 

Zach shrugged his shoulders. “I know, but still. I should’ve been more supportive.” 

“There’s no need to apologise,” Alicia replied. “Come here,” she said, and she pulled him into a hug. 

“I just want you to be happy, mom. And Grace and I will try and help out more. You know, around the house and stuff.” 

“Thank you, Zach.” She kissed his cheek. “I know this isn’t exactly easy for any of us, but I feel so lucky to have two amazing kids to rely on.”

“Are you gonna be ok, mom?” Zach asked.

“I will,” she said reassuringly. “I just need some time.”

She looked at the clock. “And you need to go to bed, it’s a school night.”

“Alright, I’m going,” Zach smiled as he got up. Before closing the door behind him he turned around one last time. “Goodnight mom.” 

Alicia smiled at him. “Goodnight sweetie.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all still enjoying this. Thanks so much for the comments and kudos on the previous chapter. I've got the whole story planned out but I'm still unsure how many chapters there'll be exactly. All I know is that we're gonna be here for a while.

_The next week_

Work was going reasonably well for Alicia. She was more focussed than she had been in weeks, and all the cases she was working on proved a welcome distraction from the more pressing matters in her personal life.

The only thing holding her back was her damn morning sickness. So far, she’d only had to excuse herself twice in the middle of a meeting to rush to the bathroom. Thankfully the bathroom had been empty both times, so nobody had heard her throw up.

She suddenly remembered that during her previous pregnancies, she had worn one of those wristbands that helps with car sickness. So she had bought one on her way home on the day she’d had to rush to the bathroom for a second time, and it seemed to be helping. It didn’t make the nausea go away completely, but at least it helped alleviate the worst of her symptoms.

One last hurdle was her sudden caffeine abstention. Robyn usually brought her a cup of coffee in the morning, and she was running out of excuses why she didn’t need a cup. “I had a coffee on my way over here” or “I’m trying to cut down on my caffeine intake” would only work a limited number of times before it would start to arouse suspicion. But she hadn’t yet thought of a good enough excuse to get around this. She would have to come up with something good, fast.

This morning was a particularly rough one for Alicia. One of her assistants was wearing a sickly-sweet perfume that made her gag every time she breathed in. As she was trying to focus on her breathing and stop the bile from rising in her throat, she inwardly cursed the fact that their office space didn’t have any proper walls. Perhaps she should talk to Cary about making their offices just a little less open plan than they’d originally envisioned.

Just as she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, the assistant was called away to sit in on a meeting to take notes and Alicia could finally breathe again.

At that moment, Cary walked in. “Alicia, are you okay?”

She looked up from where she was standing, her hands tightly gripping the back of her chair. “Yeah I’m fine. Why?”

“Nothing, you’re just looking a bit green. Are you feeling okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep well last night and I skipped breakfast, which is starting to catch up on me.”

Cary laughed. “Yeah, I feel you. If we wanted to be well rested, I guess we shouldn’t have become lawyers. I just wanted to tell you that I’m putting the finishing touches on the contract before our meeting with Sweeney this afternoon. You still okay to sit in on that?”

“Of course. I have a lunch meeting with another client, but I should be back in time to sit in on the Sweeney meeting,” she said.

“Good, see you later then,” said Cary.

Alicia breathed a sigh of relief once he’d left her office. She didn’t think he’d fall for her lame excuse about sleep deprivation, but clearly Cary was fooled more easily than she’d have thought. She’d narrowly avoided some awkward questions just now.

And she didn’t fare much better at her lunch meeting. Unfortunately for Alicia, her morning sickness didn’t really restrict itself to just mornings. When they entered the restaurant and the first whiff of food hit her nostrils, she had to take a couple of deep breaths to try and fight off the nausea.

She tried her best to behave as normal as possible and hoped her client wouldn’t notice. This was one of her clients who had come over with them from Lockhart/Gardner out of loyalty to Alicia, but who was starting to have second thoughts about putting his fate in the hands of a start-up firm. Alicia had to make sure that the lunch went smoothly and somehow restore her client’s faith in Florrick/Agos. Which was difficult enough to do at the best of times, and even more so in the state she was in.

Alicia ordered a salad which she merely picked at, all the while trying to keep the conversation going. She did this both as a way to keep her client occupied, but it also helped her keep her mind off her own physical and mental state. She just hoped her act was convincing enough and that her client couldn’t tell how she really felt.

She wasn’t sure how she’d managed to pull it off, but at the end of the lunch meeting her client was reassured enough to sign a retainer that would bind him to the firm for a minimum of two years. After they said their goodbyes outside the restaurants, Alicia couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

*

It had been a long day at work, but she had one last hurdle to overcome before the day was done. Alicia had decided that she should talk to Peter sooner rather than later. Of course she was still in the first trimester and therefore at risk for miscarriage, but she’d rather that the news of their divorce be made public before the news broke about her pregnancy. And the longer she waited, the more likely that someone was going to find out.

The press would surely have a field day if they found out and would hound her to get an exclusive story. She knew it would be impossible to keep this kind of news under wraps indefinitely, but she also wanted to try and stop this from turning into a media frenzy at all costs. Only she had no idea how to go about that.

She was nervous, but at the same time she also just wanted to get it over with. She didn’t know exactly how Peter would react, but she knew him well enough to know that he’d probably go mad with rage. Which is why she decided to go to his office to tell him, rather than invite him over to her house. That way he’d hopefully try and tone things down, knowing that his employees were all just down the hall and able to hear every word if he started shouting.

She arrived at the Governor’s Chicago headquarters at the end of the afternoon and took a deep breath as she mentally prepared herself for the walk down the hallway towards his office. There was no turning back now.

Just before she reached the door to his office, her train of thought was interrupted by one of his assistants. “Good evening Mrs. Florrick. The Governor is just in a meeting with Mr. Gold. Would you like me to let them know that you’ve arrived?”

Alicia turned around and smiled politely at her. “Yes, thank you.”

After hanging up the phone the assistant nodded at her. “You may go in now.”

Alicia pushed the door open and was met by Eli and Peter, who were standing just a few feet away from the door.

“Alicia, I wasn’t expecting you this evening. Or were we supposed to meet, and have I forgotten all about it?” Peter asked, walking over to kiss her on the cheek as a means of greeting.

Alicia shook her head. “No, I just dropped by.” She looked over to where Eli was standing. “Eli, could you give us a minute please?”

“Of course,” Eli nodded and headed for the door. “I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.”

“So, what’s up?” asked Peter, after Eli had exited the office.

Alicia took a deep breath. _Don’t beat around the bush. Straight to the point_, she thought to herself. “I need to tell you something, and I want you to let me finish before saying anything or asking any questions.”

Peter raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Okay, that sounds serious.”

She fidgeted nervously with her hands, not quite sure how to stand or where to look. Finally, she decided to just say it rather than skirt around the subject for five minutes. “I need a divorce.”

“What?!” Peter’s reaction was instantaneous, her request to let her finish talking long forgotten about. “What the hell do you mean, you _need_ a divorce?”

“Peter, you and I both know that this marriage has been over for a long time.”

“Yes, but not that long ago you said, ‘don’t worry, I’m not going to divorce you’, and now this?” he hissed.

“I know what I said, but things have changed since then.”

“What on earth could have changed? We’ve barely even seen each other since that day.”

“Things have changed for _me. My_ priorities have shifted,” she retorted.

Peter shook his head. “I don’t get you Alicia. One minute you’re giving me this speech about how both our careers need our mutual support and the Florrick name, and the next it’s suddenly become unimportant to you? I’m not agreeing to this. You know I’m up for re-election and you know full well that I’ll never make it if the press gets so much as a whiff of marriage trouble or even worse, divorce.”

“Well, you’re just gonna have to deal with that, because I need a divorce,” said Alicia coldly.

“Why the hell can’t it wait until at least after I’m re-elected?” bellowed Peter.

“Because I’m pregnant, damnit!” shouted Alicia, mentally kicking herself for blurting it out like that. She also wished she hadn’t shouted it out the way she did, but in the heat of the moment she’d momentarily forgotten that she was in Peter’s office. She just hoped nobody had been close enough to hear her.

For a moment he just stared at her, as if what she’d just said wasn’t fully registering with him yet. “What?”

“You heard me,” Alicia said as she tried to regain her composure, though her ragged breathing betrayed the emotions that she tried to stop from surfacing. “This is why I need you to agree to a divorce as soon as possible.”

“Who’s the father?” he asked her.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“If it might end my career it damn well is my business,” he bit back.

“It’s Will,” she replied. She couldn’t even be bothered to come up with some half-hearted lie. He would find out the truth eventually anyway.

Peter huffed. “Of course it’s him. It always comes back to him, doesn’t it? Even from beyond the grave he still manages to drive a wedge between us.”

Alicia stared at him in disbelief. “You leave him out of this. The one who drove a wedge between us was you when you decided it was a good idea to sleep with prostitutes!”

“I can’t believe you’re still throwing that back in my face five years later!” he shouted.

“And I can’t believe how you can have the arrogance to think that you can just get away with whatever the hell you want!” she shouted back.

Alicia couldn’t remember ever seeing Peter this angry before. If she wasn’t so pumped up on adrenaline from the argument, she might actually be afraid of him.

He stepped forward, closing the distance between them. “You know what, you are unbelievable. For years I begged and pleaded with you to have a third child, but you said no. Said you were done after two. And now you’re divorcing me to have a dead man’s baby?”

Alicia just shook her head in disbelief. She knew that in the heat of the moment he might say things he’d later regret, but she didn’t think he’d stoop this low. “We’re done here Peter. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. I’ll have the divorce papers drawn up and I’ll make sure you get them as soon as possible.” She turned on her heel and left his office before he could say another word.

As she opened the door to step out, she came face to face with Eli. He’d been eavesdropping and, judging by the look on his face, he had heard every word.

“Alicia, I…” he began.

“Not now Eli,” Alicia called over her shoulder as she walked off.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am finally giving you some of the Willicia content that I've been promising since the beginning of this story. Hope you'll like it.

_8 weeks earlier_

Amid the frosty silence that hung between the two tiny tables in the dingy diner across the road from their NYC hotel, Alicia was chugging yet another beer, hoping that it would alleviate the feelings of utter embarrassment that were the result of her disastrous keynote address earlier that evening. It didn’t help that Will was sitting at the other tiny table, quietly eating his hamburger and trying his best to ignore her.

“It’s hard to get drunk on beer,” she mused as she finished the last of her pint.

“Mm, you just got to try harder,” Will responded without looking up.

She gestured to the waitress for a refill.

In the meantime, as she lamented the disaster of her speech, Will made a spiteful remark.

She looked at him in disbelief. “Why do you hate me?”

He finished a bite of his burger. “Hmm. Well, I don’t like you. Hate’s probably too strong.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Are you serious?” he retorted.

“Because of that?” asked Alicia.

Will looked at her. “Three weeks. Three weeks you were scheming.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” Alicia defended herself. “I wanted to leave right away.”

Will nodded. “With our clients.”

She just stared at him for a moment. “Wow, it just never ends.”

“Don’t ask the question if you don’t want the answer,” he said as he took another gulp of his beer.”

He noticed that Alicia was still looking at him. “What?”

“We could never make it work,” she said.

He waited a moment before answering. “You’re linking two things together I never did.”

At that moment the waitress dumped another beer and the bill on Alicia’s table and stomped off. “Thanks a lot!” Alicia called out after her.

“If you wanna say bitch, say bitch,” said Will.

“Bitch!” shouted Alicia as she shot a look at the waitress’ retreating back.

This kind of seemed to melt both of their frosty demeanours. It was either that, or the copious amount of beer was finally beginning to kick in. In the end they agreed to a kind of truce and a healthy competition between two opposing firms. They even shook hands over it.

After that she was called away by Cary to meet with Rayna Hecht. But despite the pressure she was under to impress her, not to mention the number of beers she had drunk, she was unable to get Will out of her head completely for the rest of the evening.

*

It was late, very late, and she’d drunk far too much to be able to think straight. But in spite of this it was as though her mind had never been clearer, as if she’d never been more focussed in her entire life.

It wasn’t hard to find out the room number of any of the lawyers staying at the hotel. She’d gotten on the elevator and had pressed the floor number before she’d even given herself time to think it over, afraid she would second-guess her own decisions.

She strode towards the door and knocked on it without a moment’s hesitation. After what felt like ages, but was probably only a few seconds, the door opened.

Will was standing on the other side, wearing just his boxers and a t-shirt. He was obviously getting ready to go to bed.

“Alicia, wh-what are you doing here?” he asked, clearly confused.

“I lied earlier,” she said. “When I said we could never make it work. That’s the lie I’ve been telling myself every day since I broke things off with you. It’s the lie I have to keep telling myself over and over again, just to get through my days without you.”

And that was it, that was all Will needed to hear. He wanted to tell her that that’s what he was hoping to hear from her all along, that he had dreamt about her saying something similar to this time and time again. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him and that he’d been miserable every single day since she walked out on him that one evening in his office. But he couldn’t find the words that would accurately describe the jumble of thoughts and emotions that were racing through his head and body. So he did the only thing that made sense to him at that moment. He closed the distance between them, cupped her face with both hands and kissed her.

She grabbed hold of his t-shirt with both hands and pulled him even closer. She eagerly responded to the kiss, pouring all her emotions and longing that she had suppressed for so long into it.

Will pulled her into the room, kicked the door shut behind them and guided her over to the bed without breaking off their kiss for even just a second. He eased her down onto the bed and before he could make another move, Alicia forcefully pulled him down with her. This was no time for being polite or taking things slow. They’d been apart for so long and needed to reconnect on this level, the one thing they’d denied themselves for all this time.

“You sure about this?” Will asked in some half-hearted attempt to make sure this was really what she wanted, and she wouldn’t have any regrets come morning.

Alicia just nodded before pulling him in for another kiss. “We’ll talk later,” she mumbled against his lips.

Very little was said after that. Will expertly removed her layers of clothing in what must’ve been record time, before ridding himself of just the t-shirt and boxers he was wearing.

He hovered over her, peppering her jawline with kisses before moving on to her neck, sucking on that one spot he knew would drive her wild. He took a moment to reacquaint himself with her body, covering every inch of it with featherlight kisses. He knew just how to reach all her sweet spots, retracing them as he would a map, eliciting delicious sighs and moans from her along the way that sounded like music to his ears.

As wonderful as it felt to finally have her body worshipped again by the one person who knew exactly how, Alicia was getting impatient. She pulled him back up to her level so they were face to face. “Will, I need you now. Please,” she begged him.

He needed no more convincing and positioned himself over her. Both gasped as he entered her, each of them feeling overwhelmed in their own way about finally being connected in that way again.

He gave her a moment to adjust to him being inside her and then started moving within her, starting out slowly but quickly picking up speed as she coaxed him on, meeting his every thrust and digging her nails into his back. They knew that neither of them would be able to last long and that was okay. This was exactly what they needed right now, to scratch an itch that hadn’t been scratched in so long. There would be time for more slow, languid lovemaking later.

Sensing he was getting close, he slowed down to make sure Alicia was getting there as well. “Don’t stop, please,” she pleaded with him, thrusting her hips upwards to urge him on.

He picked up the pace again, knowing there was no going back now. With one last, guttural moan he spilled into her, which tipped her over the edge as well not long after.

Careful not to squash her, he lowered himself next to her on the bed, their foreheads touching as they both tried to catch their breath. “Leesh, I’ve missed you.”

She touched his cheek with her left hand. “I missed you too,” she whispered before kissing him again.

They made love twice more that night, taking the time to explore one another’s body now that the initial urgency to reconnect was taken out of the equation. They finally fell asleep in each other’s arms, their bodies slotting together perfectly.

*

Alicia woke up feeling happier than she’d felt in ages. She lay curled up on her left side with Will’s strong arms wrapped around her from behind. She turned her head to look at him and noticed that he was awake. He’d been watching her sleep, probably still unable to fully believe that she was actually there, lying next to him in bed. She knew that’s what he must be thinking, because she was thinking the exact same thing.

“Good morning,” he said with a grin.

She flashed him a smile. “Morning. What time is it?”

“It’s early, only about 6 o’clock. You can sleep a little longer if you like,” he replied.

She turned around so she could face him. “I should probably head back to my own room before the others start to wake up. If I’m seen sneaking out of your room in the same outfit I was wearing last night, there are going to be some awkward questions.”

He sighed. “You’re probably right.”

She buried her face in his chest and sighed. “I wish I could just stay here all day,” she mumbled.

“Me too, but unfortunately we have grown-up things to do,” he replied.

“We did some pretty grown-up things last night if I remember correctly,” she grinned.

“Hmm, my memories from last night are a little hazy, so you may have to freshen my memory to that effect,” Will whispered as he moved in to kiss her.

They came up for air again as they heard movement outside in the hotel corridor, which reminded them of the fact that there was indeed a whole other world outside their hotel room that was slowly beginning to rouse from sleep. If Alicia wanted to sneak back to her own room without being noticed they didn’t have much time left.

“What are we going to do, Alicia?” Will asked.

She looked up at him. “You mean today, or in general?”

“About us. I can’t lose you again, I just can’t.”

“I can’t either,” she said. “But we have to do it properly this time. No more sneaking around.”

He nodded. “I don’t want that either. I want us to be a proper couple, doing actual couple-y things, as cheesy as that may sound.”

“Mr. Gardner, I never had you down for the sentimental kind,” she teased. “But I want that too, cheesiness and all. We just need a plan,” Alicia said.

“What do you suggest?” Will asked.

Alicia thought for a moment. “I can’t just turn my whole life upside down just like that. I’ve got my kids to think about, and I will need to talk to Peter and figure something out. If we want to be together properly I will need to divorce him of course, which means we can’t really be seen together before all of that is taken care of and the news of the divorce has been made public. Otherwise the press will be all over us, and that’s no way to start a relationship.”

“I know this is a lot more complicated for you than it is for me, so I’ll do whatever you want me to do,” Will said. “But what do you suggest we do in the meantime?” he asked.

“There’s only one thing we can do. We keep up the pretence for just a little longer,” said Alicia. “You don’t like me, and I don’t like you. And we can’t see each other in anything other than a professional capacity.”

“That’s going to be torturous,” Will said, clearly not looking forward to it.

“But it’ll be so worth it in the long run,” Alicia said, and she kissed him again.

Fifteen minutes later Alicia finally managed to disentangle herself from Will. She didn’t want to, but she had to get back to her own hotel room before anyone realised she had spent the night in Will’s.

She quickly got dressed and walked back over to the bed to kiss Will one last time. “I’ll call you soon. In the meantime, practice your best scowl for me. You’ll need it if you want your hatred for me to look convincing,” she smirked.

[Present day]  
A loud knock on the door roused Alicia from her daydream. “Hey sis, are you there?” she heard Owen call out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about leaving you on a bit of a cliffhanger and then not updating sooner, but work's been pretty busy. I'll try and keep the updates as regular as possible.

Alicia was snapped out of her daydream when she heard Owen’s voice, so she quickly got up off the couch and headed to the front door to let him in.

She opened the door to reveal not just her brother standing in the hallway, but her mother as well.

“Hey sis, how are you?” Owen asked as he walked in and hugged her.

“I’m okay,” she said, hugging him back. “And you brought mom?” she whispered.

“Alicia, come here and give me a hug,” Veronica called out.

Alicia moved towards her mother, who pulled her in for a very tight embrace. She met Owen’s eye over her mother’s shoulder and saw him mouth ‘sorry’ to her.

“So,” Owen started as he made his way towards the kitchen. “You called and said you had something important to tell me. Mom happened to be with me at the time and she was just as curious as I was, so she insisted on coming with me.”

“Well, if anything’s the matter with either of my kids I have a right to know, don’t I?” Veronica defended herself.

Alicia made an attempt to smile at her mother and brother. “It’s okay. I have news that concerns the both of you, so it’s good that you’re both here.”

Owen shot her a worried look. “Is everything okay with you?”

Alicia nodded. “Yeah everything’s fine. But perhaps it’s best if we all sit down.” She gestured towards the living room. Owen and Veronica took a seat on the couch and, mirroring the situation a few weeks previously with Zach and Grace, Alicia sat down on the coffee table.

“So here’s the thing,” she began, “I’ve decided to divorce Peter.”

“Finally!” Veronica called out.

“Thanks mom,” said Alicia sarcastically. “I’ve made the decision to end my marriage of twenty years. You could at least pretend to feel sorry for me.”

Veronica looked sufficiently chastised. “Sorry sweetheart, but you know I never really cared for Peter. And I hated the way he treated you. I know you’re nothing like me, but I would’ve left that cheating bastard a long time ago.”

Alicia decided to let that comment slide and looked pleadingly at Owen, hoping he would say something that would cut off their mother’s rant before it could really pick up speed. If that happened, they’d be there for hours.

“Well sis, I definitely wasn’t expecting that. What made you change your mind? Owen asked.

“Well it has been a long time coming if I’m honest,” said Alicia. “I don’t believe in throwing away a marriage just like that. You know I worked hard to try and save it, both for the kids’ sake as well as my own. But I’ve come to the realisation that I just don’t love him anymore.”

Owen was afraid to address the elephant in the room but decided to do it anyway. “Does this have anything to do with Will?”

Alicia nodded. “It does, but not in the way you might think.”

Both Owen and Veronica looked confused. “What do you mean?” Veronica asked.

Alicia took a moment before responding. “A few months ago Will and I put aside our hostilities and started to get close again, and I decided that I wanted to give it a shot and try and have a real relationship with him. So initially I was going to leave Peter for Will. I was still figuring out how exactly to go about it and then…” she paused to compose herself. “And then he died and I figured there was no need to rush into anything. I knew I still wanted to get divorced at some point, but since I hadn’t talked to Peter about it yet I decided to let it rest for a moment and give myself some time to process it all.”

Owen looked at her. “So what happened for you to suddenly go through with it after all?”

She took a deep breath. No matter how many times she had to utter the exact same words, it was still as difficult as the first time. “I’m pregnant, and the baby is Will’s.”

She had never seen two jaws drop as fast as those of her mother and brother’s. For a moment neither of them knew quite how to respond.

“No way. Well this is quite the plot-twist. So is that why you were feeling so unwell a few weeks ago?” Owen asked.

“Yes,” Alicia said. “I’m eight weeks along.”

She noticed that her mother, normally the talkative one who wasn’t afraid to voice her opinion about anything, hadn’t said a word yet. “Are you okay mom?”

Veronica just nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Just surprised and a little shocked, that’s all. How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

Alicia got up and squeezed herself between her mother and brother on the couch. She looked at Veronica. “Yeah I’m okay. I’ve had a few weeks to get used to the idea now, though it still feels unreal at times.”

“Good, good,” Veronica replied, still sounding as though she was having trouble processing the news. “And you’re fine? It’s not dangerous, you know, because of your age and all that?”

Alicia laughed. “No, I’m fine. And you’re making me sound positively ancient. I mean, I know 44 isn’t exactly young, but lots of women my age have had healthy babies. I will need to get some tests done of course, to check for birth defects. But I try not to think about that for now.”

That kind of seemed to satisfy Veronica’s worries, for now, but she still managed to shoot her daughter the odd worried look now and again as the three of them kept discussing the surprise Alicia had suddenly sprung on them. Eventually the conversation drifted into other territories, including Owen’s past and current love interests, much to her brother’s dismay.

“Watch out Owen,” Alicia said after her brother just described at length how he was currently dating two different guys, because he simply couldn’t decide which one he liked better. “You’re going to be this baby’s main male role model, so you’d better be on your best behaviour,” she joked.

“Oh I am going to be its favourite uncle, just watch me. That kid’s gonna love me,” he replied.

“Yes, that’s what I’m afraid of,” Alicia said, trying to look stern but unable to suppress her laughter.

“Actually,” she continued, “seeing as you’re going to be the favourite uncle, there is something I could use your help with.”

*

Alicia took a deep breath as she stepped off the elevator. She hadn’t been here in so long and it brought back a lot of conflicting memories. Her heart was thumping in her chest and her legs felt like jelly as she made her way towards Will’s apartment, Owen trailing behind her.

Diane had told her that Will’s sisters were in town to set his affairs in order and to clear out his apartment so the new owners could move in. She figured now was as good a time as any to talk to them and tell them the news. And it was probably better to do it this way, face to face, rather than over the phone. She had asked Owen to come with her for moral support, because she didn’t have to courage to face Will’s sisters alone and break the news to them.

She breathed in to suppress a wave of nausea that was more likely caused by stress than the actual pregnancy, and knocked on the door.

It wasn’t long before the door opened and Alicia came face to face with Aubrey, Will’s younger sister.

The younger woman looked surprised. “Alicia, what a surprise! Wh-what are you doing here?”

Alicia smiled at her. “Good to see you Aubrey, can I come in?” she asked.

“Sure, come on in,” she said, stepping aside to let them pass.

“Oh, this is my brother Owen by the way,” Alicia said.

Owen and Aubrey shook hands and said hello. Then Aubrey walked over to Alicia and pulled her into a hug, which Alicia hadn’t been expecting. “It’s good to see you,” Aubrey said.

“Diane told me you were in town. I hope you don’t mind me showing up like this, unannounced?” she asked, feeling suddenly insecure.

“No, no not at all,” she waved her concerns away. “Hold on, I’ll just get Sarah. She was clearing away some things in the bedroom. Sarah!” she called out.

A brunette with her hair up in a ponytail, about the same age as Alicia, made her appearance in the living room not long after. “What is it?” She then noticed that they had company.

“Oh, hi Alicia,” she said, taken slightly aback by her sudden presence. She was a bit more guarded than her younger sister and didn’t approach Alicia for a hug or even to shake her hand.

“Hi Sarah, good to see you again.”

“Diane told her that we were in town,” Aubrey explained quickly.

“And do you want a keepsake of Will’s, is that why you’re here?” asked Sarah. “There’s plenty of stuff to choose from, feel free to have a look through them.”

“No, that’s not why I’m here,” Alicia said. “Thank you, though. I’m actually here because there’s something I need to discuss with you. Do you mind if we sit down?”

The sisters shot each other a puzzled look. “Sure,” Aubrey said, gesturing towards the two couches in the living area. Alicia and Owen sat down on one, and the two sisters took a seat on the other one.

Alicia took a moment to gather her thoughts. She had gone over this situation a hundred times in her head and had tried to rehearse what she was going to say, but the moment she sat down her mind went blank. It was difficult to know where to begin. She had no idea if the sisters knew about the extent of the relationship she’d had with Will over the years, and she didn’t know them that well either. She’d met them a few times back in the Georgetown days and they had hit it off, but the first time she’d seen them since then had been at the funeral.

She decided it was probably a good idea to ease them into it.

“I’m not sure if, over the past couple of years, Will ever mentioned me or talked about the extent of our relationship to you?”

“Well back in law school he couldn’t stop talking about you,” said Aubrey. “And I know that you started working at his firm a few years ago, but whenever I tried to bring you up he always skirted around the subject. But from his evasiveness I could tell that something was going on.”

“You were right about that,” Alicia confirmed. “Something was going on, but we had to keep it quiet because of office politics, and of course most importantly because I was married.”

She continued on to explain how she had broken off their affair because it was becoming increasingly complicated for her, and she didn’t know how to deal with it all. Both Sarah and Aubrey listened attentively and confirmed that they had noticed a change in their brother’s behaviour around the time when Alicia had put a stop to the affair.

“He was definitely different after that,” said Sarah. “More, I’m not sure how to accurately describe it. More cynical I guess.”

Aubrey nodded in agreement. “I definitely noticed that about him as well.”

“But you’re probably wondering why I’ve given you this whole overview of my complicated relationship with Will,” continued Alicia. “In February we kind of got back together, or at least we decided that we wanted to get back together and give our relationship a fair shot. And I decided that I would finally divorce my husband.”

Both Sarah and Aubrey’s eyes widened at this news. Clearly, they hadn’t been privy to anything that had gone on in the last month of their brother’s life.

“The divorce hasn’t been made public yet by the way, so I would appreciate it if you could keep that to yourselves,” added Alicia.

“Of course,” both of them said in unison.

“We knew that it would take me a while to get organised and start the divorce proceedings and everything else that comes with that, so we made the decision to pretend that nothing was going on so we wouldn’t arouse suspicion. I wanted to get my divorce finalised first. But then…”

Alicia stopped for a moment. She still could barely manage to get herself to say that Will had died out loud.

“And then it happened,” Aubrey finished her sentence for her.

Alicia shot her a grateful look. “Yes.”

The room fell silent for a moment. Alicia wasn’t sure how to go about it from here. This was going to be the hard part.

Aubrey eventually broke the silence. “So…?”

“Well, I…uhm. Here’s the thing. I…” She was rambling, unable to string a sentence together. She looked pleadingly over at Owen, who hadn’t said a word since their arrival.

He nodded at her. “Just tell them.”

She turned back to face Aubrey and Sarah. “I’ve since found out that I’m pregnant.”

The room went so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

In the end Aubrey was the first to speak. “Are you saying that, right now, you’re carrying our brother’s baby?”

Alicia just nodded.

Tears began to well in Aubrey’s eyes. “That’s incredible. Isn’t it Sarah?” She looked over at her sister, who looked a lot more sceptical and a lot less emotional than her younger sister.

“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” She asked. “I mean, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but we have no real way of knowing whether it’s true or not. And I like you Alicia, I really do, but I barely know you.”

“Sarah don’t be rude,” Aubrey said.

“No, no it’s ok,” Alicia tried to suss the situation. “Sarah, you have every reason to be suspicious. You’re completely right, we don’t know each other that well. But I am telling the truth. I’ve no reason to lie to you. I don’t want anything from you, I don’t want to lay any claims to Will’s estate or anything like that. I run my own law firm and can support myself and my kids perfectly fine without any help. I just want my baby to know their family, considering they’ll have to grow up without a father. You two are the aunties after all.”

“You’re right, we have to be the ones to tell embarrassing childhood stories about Will to the kid when they’re older,” said Aubrey. “Of course we want to be a part of their life. Or at least, I want to be.” She looked over at her sister.

Sarah nodded. “I do too. I’m sorry, I just need some time to process this. If you’ll excuse me,” she said as she got up and walked out of the room.

Aubrey moved over to sit next to Alicia. “Give her some time. I think Will’s death has hit her the hardest out of all of us. She has always been very protective over her baby brother.”

Alicia briefly looked over at Owen. “I can sympathise.”

“You want me to break the news to my parents?” Aubrey asked.

“That’s probably a good idea,” replied Alicia. “I don’t know them that well, so perhaps it’s better if they hear it from you in person rather than me telling them over the phone. Thank you for being so supportive, Aubrey.”

“Hey, in a way we’re family now. I’m sure it’s what Will would’ve wanted,” she said.

They chatted for a while longer and then said their goodbyes. Sarah didn’t re-emerge, but Aubrey assured her that she would come around soon enough.

Alicia looked at Owen and breathed a sigh of relief as they got on the elevator. This had gone a lot better than she’d expected.

*

Later that day as she was sitting on the couch, mindlessly flicking through the channels on tv, she felt her phone vibrate. She picked up the phone and noticed she’d received a text from an unknown number. She opened it and smiled as she read what it said.

_I’m sorry about earlier._   
_Keep us posted._   
_Auntie Sarah x_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the complete lack of updates these past few weeks, but real life just got in the way. I hope this chapter was worth the wait though, and I will try and get back into a more regular updating schedule.

Diane looked up from the file she was reading and peered straight ahead to Will’s office, now occupied by Louis Canning. She wasn’t happy about the situation, far from it, but she’d been outvoted and she knew that at that moment it was the only way to stop her firm from going under. She had already faced bankruptcy once and she really didn’t want to go there again. 

She had hoped that Florrick/Agos would agree to a merger instead, but since Cary was so adamant not to agree to a merger of any kind she had given up hope of anything like that happening long ago. Which is why she had finally, and grudgingly agreed to a partnership with Canning.

But he was testing her patience every minute of every day, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to take it. From the moment he had strutted into the firm for the first time and had taken possession of Will’s office, things had changed. She was convinced a storm was brewing and that Canning and David Lee were making plans behind her back. 

She had just returned to the case file in front of her when she heard someone knock on her door. She looked up and noticed that Alicia was standing outside her office. She gestured to her to come in.

“Hi Diane, can I just steal a moment of your time?” Alicia asked.

“Of course,” Diane motioned for her to take a seat. “How are you Alicia?”

“I’m good, thank you. I just quickly wanted to run something by you. Or rather, I want your advice on something.”

“Sure, what is it?” she asked. 

“I told Peter I want a divorce,” said Alicia. “And since I want to keep my personal and professional lives separate I’d prefer not to have anyone from my own firm represent me. So I was thinking of asking David Lee to be my divorce lawyer. But I wanted to check with you first if that would be okay with you, and to ask whether you think he would even agree to take me on as a client.”

“Well of course I appreciate the fact that you’re asking me if it’s okay, which it is by the way. I have no objections to our firm representing you in your divorce,” said Diane. “And as for David Lee, you know as well as I do how moody and temperamental he can be. So I wouldn’t even want to hazard a guess at how he’ll react. But my advice would be to just ask him.”

Alicia nodded. “Okay, then I guess that’s what I’ll do.” She got up. “No time like the present.”

“Good luck,” Diane said as Alicia headed for the door.

Alicia turned around and smiled at her. “Thanks, I’m going to need it.”

*

Alicia received some funny looks as she made her way down the hall towards David Lee’s office. Clearly some people still hadn’t forgiven her for running off to start her own firm with Cary. 

She knocked on his door and opened it as soon as she heard someone call “enter”.

“Oh it’s you,” was all David said as she entered his office. “Come to steal more clients, have you?” He sneered at her from his position by the window.

Alicia decided to let the spiteful comment slide. “Actually David, I’m here on a personal matter.”

“And what could that possibly be?” he asked as he took a seat behind his desk. He didn’t offer Alicia a seat, but she sat down anyway.

She cut right to the chase. “I’m divorcing my husband and I would like you to be my lawyer.”

“Well, well, well, we’ve come full circle, haven’t we? And are you actually going to go through with it this time, or are you just going to waste my time again and then call the whole thing off?”

“Don’t worry, I am definitely going through with it this time,” she replied.

David was flicking through his phone and hadn’t even bothered to make eye contact with Alicia. “So why come to me? Don’t you have your own firm full of lawyers to choose from?” he asked.

Alicia decided to cut straight to the chase. “Look, David, I know you don’t like me and frankly, I’m not too fond of you either. But I want to leave personal matters out of this. I am asking you to be my lawyer because you’re a damn good divorce lawyer, and I want the best representation I can get.”

This seemed to get his attention, because he finally looked up and put his phone down. “I see,” he said. “Well I suppose I have just about enough time to take you on. Will an updated version of your old file do, or would you like me to start over?”

“I think an updated version will do,” she said. “My financial situation’s slightly different now and of course my children are a few years older, but apart from that it should all still be pretty much the same.”

“Hmm, okay.” He looked straight at her. “And the reason why you’re filing for divorce?”

“Irreconcilable differences,” Alicia answered straightaway. 

“How wonderfully vague,” commented David. “And your husband’s going to agree to this?”

“Well, he’d better,” said Alicia. “And if not, that’s where you come in.”

“Very well,” said David. “I’ll start looking into it and I want you to come back on Friday so we can discuss a strategy.”

Alicia nodded. “I’ll be there. And thank you for agreeing to take this on David, I appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me yet. You can thank me when I’ve managed to get you the best possible divorce deal.”

*

Later that day Alicia pulled up at Grace’s school. She was glad to have got the meeting with David Lee out of the way, and even more glad that he had agreed to be her lawyer. It felt weird coming back to Lockhart/Gardner as a client, but at the same time she felt relieved because she knew she’d be in good hands. 

She only had to wait a few minutes before the door on the passenger side opened and Grace climbed in. “Hey mom.”

She smiled at her daughter. “Hey sweetie, how was school?”

“It was good,” she said, “but I had a hard time concentrating on anything.”

“You nervous?” Alicia asked.

Grace shook her head. “No, not nervous. Just excited. Are you nervous?” she asked her mother.

Alicia shook her head as she pulled out of her parking spot and manoeuvred her car into the Chicago traffic. “Not really. Well maybe a little bit, but it’s mostly excitement as well.”

Alicia’s first ultrasound had been scheduled for that afternoon, and ever since Grace had found out about the appointment she had begged her mother to be allowed to come with her. Alicia agreed and had even pulled her out of school a little early, something she would normally never do. But she figured this was a special enough occasion to bend the rules just this once. 

She already felt lucky enough about the fact that her daughter was so excited about this new baby. She had expected her two teenagers to be vehemently opposed to the idea of their mother having another child, so the fact that they had both been so supportive so far had given her a boost of confidence.

It wasn’t far to the doctor’s office from Grace’s school and traffic wasn’t so bad in the early afternoon, so they arrived a good fifteen minutes before the appointment time.

After checking in at the front desk they took a seat in the waiting area. Grace, having never been to an ob/gyn’s office before, looked around at the myriad of posters and diagrams about pregnancy and foetal development that were adorning the walls. 

“It feels kind of weird to be here,” she said.

“I agree,” said Alicia. “Especially because we’re both at an age where other people can’t tell which of us is here for an appointment,” she joked. 

Grace opened her mouth to say something, but at that moment a nurse called out. “Ms. Cavanaugh, the doctor will see you now.”

Grace looked at her. “You’ve decided to change your name already?”

Alicia looked at her sheepishly. This really wasn’t the way she wanted her daughter to hear about her potential name change. “Just trying it out. And I figured it was a good way not to draw too much attention to myself.” 

Grace shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah okay, that makes sense. It just sounds odd to me, but I guess I’ll get used to it.”

Alicia and Grace made their way over to the office the nurse had pointed to. As they walked in they were greeted by a woman who appeared to be in her mid-fifties, slightly shorter than Alicia with shoulder-length, auburn hair. She smiled and extended her hand. “Alicia, so good to see you again. And a bit of a surprise, I have to admit.”

Alicia shook her hand and smiled at her. “It’s very good to see you again too.”

The doctor peered behind Alicia to look at Grace. “And this must be Grace,” she said.

Grace and the other woman shook hands and Grace smiled politely at her.

“Grace, this is Dr. Foster. She was the doctor who delivered you when you were born,” said Alicia. 

Her eyes widened at this news. “Wow, really? That’s so cool.”

Dr. Foster nodded. “Yes, it’s true. Last time I saw you, you were just a tiny little baby. And you’ve grown up to be a beautiful young woman.”

The compliment made Grace blush. “Did you deliver my brother too?”

“No,” Alicia said. “My old doctor retired just before I became pregnant with you, so I had a different doctor when I had Zach.”

The doctor gestured to the both of them to sit down and took a seat herself on the other side of her desk. “So, let’s go over a few things. First of all, how have you been feeling Alicia?”

Alicia sighed. “Pretty nauseous, but nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been eating a lot of toast recently. Other than that, things have been pretty good. I’m just so very, very tired, but I guess that’s old age,” she laughed. “I remember being tired in my first trimester with my previous pregnancies, but not like this.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s to be expected. Pregnancy in your 20s and in your 40s is a whole different ballgame.” She checked her notes, “so you’re now 10 weeks along if I’m not mistaken?”

Alicia nodded. “Yes, 10 weeks and 3 days to be exact.”

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” the doctor said. She looked at Grace. “You want to see your brother or sister?”

Grace nodded excitedly. “Yes please.”

Alicia got up on the examination table and proceeded to unbutton her blouse and undo her trousers to expose her still flat stomach. Grace took a seat on a stool next to her.

Dr. Foster positioned herself on the other side of the table to ready the equipment.

“Alright then, let’s go take a look.” She squirted a bit of gel onto Alicia’s stomach, who winced slightly as the cold substance made contact with her skin.

The doctor placed the transducer on her stomach and began moving it around. It didn’t take long before she found something. “There we go,” she said. She moved the monitor slightly so both Alicia and Grace could see it better. 

She pointed at something that looked like a grey bean, right in the centre of the screen. “It may not look like much just now, but that right there is the baby. And you see that little thing moving right there?” she pointed at what seemed like nothing more than a little blip. “That’s its little heart.”

Grace gasped. “Mom, it’s amazing.”

Alicia could only manage a nod, the reality of it all finally hitting her. 

“You okay?” Grace asked.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just need a moment to process it all,” she half-whispered as she continued to stare at the monitor, completely mesmerised by the grainy image on the screen.

The doctor fiddled with some other things, and suddenly a rhythmic sound filled the room. 

“Now that’s what I like to hear,” she said. “A good, strong heartbeat.”

She then proceeded to take some measurements while Grace and Alicia continued to gaze at the monitor. Although there wasn’t that much to see, it seemed to fascinate them to no end. 

Finally the doctor had finished her measurements and printed off a few pictures of the ultrasound, which she handed over to Grace. “Everything looks good. Baby’s a good size for ten weeks and it’s got a strong heartbeat.”

Alicia breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad. I tried not to get too worked up about it, but deep down I was really worried that something was wrong.”

“Well you’re not quite out of the woods yet, but you’re getting there. And I’m booking you in for an amniocentesis in about two weeks,” said the doctor.

“What’s that?” asked Grace.

“It’s a procedure where we extract some amniotic fluid to test for birth defects. It’s a common procedure for women of advanced maternal age,” Dr. Foster explained.

“So how exactly do you extract the amniotic fluid?” Grace asked, looking worried.

Alicia sat up and took her hand. “They need to insert a needle into my belly to extract some of the fluid,” she explained, trying with all her might to suppress a slight shudder. She wasn’t quite ready to think about the details of the procedure herself yet, but at the same time she didn’t want her daughter to see that. So she put on a brave face and explained the situation to her. 

No matter how well both Alicia and the doctor had tried to explain the situation, Grace didn’t seem convinced nor comforted that this was in any way safe or absolutely necessary. Any risk to the baby’s life, no matter how small the percentage, was too much of a risk in her opinion.

They discussed it some more on the way back to the car and then decided to let the topic rest. Alicia was going to go through with it no matter what, because she wanted to make sure the baby was healthy. Though what she didn’t dare to admit to Grace was that she was absolutely terrified of anything going wrong. Now that she had seen the baby and heard its heartbeat, her feelings had intensified at an alarming rate. Until this morning the whole idea of a baby had felt more like a theoretical concept. But now it was real.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer delay than I would've hoped, but time kind of runs away from you this time of year. I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

Diane was sitting at the breakfast table, clutching a mug of tea with both hands. She vaguely registered that Kurt was talking to her, but she hadn’t actually heard a word of anything he’d said. She was too lost in her own thoughts.

“…so I might be out of town for a couple of weeks. Diane, are you even listening to me?”

No reaction.

“Diane!” he called out.

She was forcefully snapped out of her daydream and nearly dropped her tea in the process. “What?”

“Did you hear anything I told you just now?” asked Kurt.

She shook her head. “No I didn’t, I’m sorry.”

Kurt eyed her up for a moment. “Is something bothering you? Should I be worried?”

She nodded. “Yes, something is bothering me. And no, there’s no need to be worried.”

“Care to elaborate?” he asked.

Diane took a deep breath. “I’m thinking about leaving the firm, but I’m not sure if it’s a smart move.”

Kurt looked genuinely surprised and took a moment before saying anything. “Okay. Why do you want to leave?”

“Because the situation is becoming untenable,” she answered. “It’s no longer the firm that Will and I worked so hard to build, and I’ve lost all motivation to get up and go to work every single day. I want to work someplace that is meaningful and inspires me. And Lockhart/Gardner, I’m sad to say, is no longer that place.”

Kurt nodded in agreement and scratched his beard. “I see. So what do you plan to do? Are you thinking of going at it alone and setting up a new firm?”

“Actually, I’m thinking of asking Alicia and Cary if I can join their firm, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. It might be career suicide for all I know. What do you think?” she asked.

“I think,” said Kurt, “that you need to figure out for yourself what it is you want. As your husband I will of course be supportive of whatever it is you do, but that decision is yours and yours alone to take.”

“But you must have an opinion?” Diane asked.

Kurt shrugged his shoulders. “I might, but what I think is irrelevant. You’re perfectly capable of making your own decisions without any outside influence. But if you want my advice, I’d suggest you go and talk to Alicia and Cary and see how they react. Then you have all the facts before you make any sort of decision.”

That was all the encouragement Diane really needed. She put her tea mug down, got up and walked over to her husband. “I knew there was a reason I married you,” she murmured as she leaned in to kiss him.

*

It was a quiet Friday morning at Florrick/Agos. A lot of associates were busy at court and some had taken a day off, which left very few people actually occupying the office. Some low murmurs of a phone call or meeting could be heard here and there, but there was an overall sense of peace and quiet that was a rarity at a law firm.

Cary walked into Alicia’s office carrying a stack of case files, which he placed in front of her on her desk. “I’ve got the files for the class action here if you want to take a look at them,” he said as he sat down opposite her.

Alicia looked up at him. “But we’re not starting that for at least another month, right?”

“Yes, but since we’re meeting with a number of the class members this afternoon, I thought you might want to get up to speed,” said Cary.

“But I thought you were handling that meeting?” Alicia said. “Because I have an appointment I can’t get out of, I told you.”

“Your appointment’s at noon, right? And our meeting doesn’t start until four, so surely you’ll be able to make it back in time.” Cary replied.

Alicia shook her head. “No, I’m not coming back in after my appointment. I won’t be back until Monday.”

“This is a big case, the biggest for our firm yet. I think it’s important that both name partners are present,” Cary insisted.

“I’m sorry Cary, but I’m afraid this is non-negotiable. It’s not that I don’t understand the importance, but I really can’t make it in this afternoon.”

It was clear by now that Cary was beginning to lose his patience. “Look, I didn’t really want to bring this up, but you leave me no choice. I know Will’s death has hit you hard and that you’ve been absent a lot more lately, and I understand, I really do. And up until now I haven’t really said anything, but I’ve been picking up a lot of the slack and I think it’s time that you start taking on more responsibility again. The firm’s half yours after all.”

“I understand,” Alicia said, drawing in a deep breath. She took a moment and looked straight at Cary, to show him how serious she was. “I really appreciate all that you’ve done for the firm these past few months Cary, and I will really try and make sure we spread the workload more evenly again from now on. But I really, really can’t be at the meeting today.”

“But why not?” Cary insisted. “Why are you being so secretive?”

There was no way she could skirt around the subject any longer. “I can’t be there because I have to undergo an amniocentesis this afternoon,” she finally said.

“A what?” Cary looked confused. Then, after a moment of silence something seemed to click. “Wait a minute, my cousin had to undergo that last year as well. But that’s a procedure performed on…” he was silent for a moment and stared at Alicia.

“…pregnant women,” he finally finished his sentence.

Alicia looked at him sheepishly. “Yes,” she said softly.

She hadn’t meant to tell him like this, but in a way she was glad the secret was finally out. She had felt so guilty for keeping this from Cary for so long, but one of the reasons she had kept putting it off was because she was afraid of how he would react and what it would do to their partnership and the future of the firm. As a start-up firm they had to be so careful about everything they did, and any missteps that threw them off-balance could be fatal to a new firm that hadn’t found their bearings yet.

“I’m so sorry to have kept this from you, Cary. There have been many times these past few weeks where I wanted to tell you because I hate keeping secrets, but I just couldn’t.”

Cary shook his head. “I understand, but I wish you had felt comfortable enough to confide in me. If you tell me anything in confidence it won’t go any further, you know that right? As business partners and, I hope, as friends, we need to be able to trust each other fully. That’s the only way this firm is going to work.”

Alicia looked at Cary. She could tell by the look in his eyes that it really bothered him. “I do trust you Cary, I promise” she tried to reassure him. “But this was all such a shock and I needed some time to wrap my head around it, so I only told a handful of people. And on top of that I wanted to wait and see whether it would take or not. Pregnancy at my age isn’t exactly risk free.”

“There’s no need to apologise or explain yourself Alicia, it’s ok. I just hope we can be more open with each other from now on,” he replied.

Alicia nodded. “I’ll do my best. And since we’re sharing things now, I might as well tell you my other news.”

Cary looked at her in confusion. What else could she possibly have to share after dropping the bombshell about the pregnancy on him. “What?”

“I’m getting a divorce,” she said.

Cary shook his head in disbelief. “Well this day keeps getting weirder by the minute. I’m so sorry to hear that though.”

“Thanks,” Alicia said. “But it’s been a long time coming, so I’m actually pretty ok with it.”

“But there’s one thing I don’t understand,” Cary continued. “You stood by Peter all this time, but now that you’re pregnant you’re suddenly getting a divorce.”

“See that’s the other thing. The pregnancy only sped things up and forced me to make a decision.” She took a moment before continuing. “Because the baby is Will’s and not Peter’s.”

When no reaction came at first Alicia feared that this last bit of information was the thing that would finally render Cary speechless, which was no easy feat. For a moment he just stared at her. A few times he opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but finally thought the better of it and closed it again. Alicia thought it made him look a bit like a goldfish.

He finally gathered his thoughts and found his voice again. “Jeez Alicia, no wonder you were so absent minded lately. If I had all of this to deal with I’m not sure I’d find the strength to even get out of bed in the morning.”

“Believe me, sometimes it took all my willpower to do just that,” she said.

He nodded in agreement. “I bet.”

“Don’t worry, I haven’t got any more surprises up my sleeve,” Alicia laughed, trying to lighten up the mood.

“I think we’ve had quite enough surprises for one day,” Cary agreed. He motioned her to come closer and opened his arms to initiate a hug. “I haven’t even congratulated you yet.”

Alicia stepped forward and allowed herself to be enveloped by Cary’s arms. “Thanks,” she whispered to him.

“Hey, what’s Diane doing here?” Cary asked, peering over Alicia’s shoulder.

*

Diane stepped off the elevator at Florrick/Agos and was surprised to find that it was practically deserted. She spotted Cary and Alicia across the floor and raised a hand in greeting.

She was soon met by the two name partners, who looked very surprised to see her. After exchanging greetings and niceties, they both looked at her expectantly, hoping she’d elaborate on her sudden appearance at their firm.

“You’re probably wondering why I’ve dropped by unannounced,” Diane began.

They nodded in unison. “Yes, kind of,” Cary said. “Not that we don’t appreciate spontaneous visits,” he quickly added.

Diane looked around the open-plan layout of the law office in search of a more secluded spot. “Is there anywhere we could talk, you know, in private?”

“Yeah we’re still working on getting some walls installed in this place,” Alicia said with a smile. “It’s been pretty challenging. But I guess my office is probably the most secluded spot for now, since there’s not many people around.”

Once they got to Alicia’s office Alicia took a seat behind her desk. Cary and Diane sat down on the other side. For a moment nothing was said and there was a palpable tension in the air. After what seemed like an eternity, Diane finally spoke up. “I have a proposal.”

She had gone over what she wanted to say so many times in her head, and with Kurt over breakfast, but she still didn’t quite know where to begin. Diane knew that Alicia would probably respond favourably to her idea, but Cary was a lot less predictable. There was a chance this could backfire horribly.

“I would like to join your firm,” she finally said.

It was clear that this was as far removed from anything they had been expecting her to say. Alicia and Cary spent a moment just looking at each other, then to Diane, and back at each other again. “You want to join this firm? The Diane Lockhart wants to join us, a mere start-up?” Cary said in disbelief.

Diane nodded. “Yes. I hate what Lockhart/Gardner has become and I simply cannot work with Canning any longer.” She turned to Cary. “You didn’t want a merger and I completely understand why you were against it. But me joining this firm would be different. And I have about ten people lined up who are willing to come with me, and they’ll be bringing all of their clients with them.”

Diane and Cary turned to look at Alicia, who hadn’t said anything so far. “What do you think?” Diane asked her.

“Well, you know how I felt about a merger, so I’m all for it,” Alicia replied. “But the decision’s not just mine to make.” She looked at Cary.

Cary hesitated for a moment before answering. “If we are to consider this I want to make sure that we’re in total agreement about certain things. Don’t get me wrong Diane, you’re a great lawyer and I have immense respect for you both professionally and personally, but this firm works very differently from Lockhart/Gardner and you need to understand that if you want to join our ranks.”

“Of course,” Diane agreed. “I completely understand and respect that, and I wouldn’t want any of that to change. The only thing that’s non-negotiable for me is that I want to join as name partner. I will after all be bringing prestige and $38 million with me, not to mention ten other lawyers and their clients. But very little will have to change, and you and Alicia can still outvote me two to one in case of any disagreements. And should a name partner be absent for any length of time, there’ll always be two name partners to fall back on instead of one, which isn’t a bad thing for a firm of any size.” She shot Alicia a questioning look.

Alicia nodded at Diane. “It’s ok, Cary knows about the pregnancy.”

“Oh good.” Diane turned her attention back to Cary. “When Will was suspended it was incredibly difficult for me, having to carry the burden of managing the entire firm as the only remaining name partner. It’ll be good to have someone to share those responsibilities with when Alicia goes on maternity leave.”

Cary didn’t say anything for a moment. It was clear that he was going over a lot of things in his head and outweighing different options and scenarios. Alicia and Diane waited patiently until he finally spoke up. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Diane couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you, that’s wonderful news.” She looked from Alicia to Cary. “Thank you both, this means more than you know.”

“So what’s the plan? When will you be able to join us?” asked Cary.

“I’m getting the partners together this afternoon, where I will announce my retirement and give them two weeks’ notice,” said Diane. “That’ll give me enough time to finish up certain cases and negotiate my exit package. And two weeks from now the other lawyers and I will stage a walk-out at 5 pm and head over here to officially come join you.”

Alicia nodded in agreement. “Alright, sounds like a plan.”

“But it means absolute secrecy for the next two weeks. If anyone at my firm gets so much of a whiff of what we’re planning, I can say goodbye to my exit package,” warned Diane. “So no calls, texts or emails about any of this. We shouldn’t even be talking about this once we leave this office.”

“Of course, we completely understand. We’ll make sure to keep this quiet,” Cary assured her.

“My lips are sealed,” Alicia added.

“Great. I need to meet with a client in half an hour, so I should head out. But I guess I’ll see you soon,” Diane said, smiling.

“We will, _partner_,” Alicia emphasised the last word, reciprocating the smile.

Diane bid them both goodbye, grabbed her stuff and headed for the elevator. Alicia and Cary remained in her office and watched her go.

“Well,” Cary said. “This really _is_ a day full of surprises.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I took a very unexpected and long hiatus, so sorry about that. Life just kind of got in the way and I just didn't have the time or the energy to sit down and write. But I'm back now, and I really hope that this chapter was worth the wait.

It was a warm May afternoon and Alicia blinked a few times as she stepped out of the office building into the bright sunlight. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes, allowing the sun to warm her face. She loved this time of year and hated the fact that, due to the nature of her job, she had to spend so much of it indoors.

It had been a crazy morning and her mind was still reeling from everything that had gone on. She had to admit she was a little disappointed when Cary had vetoed the merger that Diane had suggested a while back, so the fact that he had agreed so easily to Diane coming on as name partner in their firm had come as a big surprise. And if she was being honest, as much as she enjoyed the excitement of hers and Cary’s start-up project, she was relieved to bring on another experienced partner whom she trusted. 

The thought of leaving Cary to lead the firm on his own while she took time off had stressed her out more than she would care to admit. At least she knew that with Diane there to give guidance and counterbalance Cary’s eagerness and tendency to overreach, the firm would be in safe hands. A bit like the necessary balance that Diane had provided to counteract Will’s enthusiasm at Lockhart/Gardner back in the day. 

Not only was she glad that Diane had stopped by with her proposal, but it also managed to distract her and keep her mind off of her afternoon appointment. She was worried that she wouldn’t be able to get any work done, but after this unexpected turn of events the best part of the day had gone by before she realised that Owen would be picking her up any minute to go to the hospital. She had quickly gathered her things, said goodbye to Cary and headed for the elevator.

And that’s how she came to be standing outside her office building a few minutes later, basking in the sunlight while she waited for her brother to arrive.

Her train of thought got interrupted by the honking of a car. She opened her eyes and noticed that the noise came from a car parked only a few feet away from her. She had been so preoccupied that she hadn’t even noticed her brother’s car when she exited the building. She grabbed her things and quickly headed over there.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” she said as she opened the car door and climbed in. She hoisted up her duffle back and placed it on the backseat and put her handbag down by her feet. 

“That’s ok. The roads are pretty quiet so we should make it with time to spare,” Owen said. He gestured towards the bag on the backseat. “What’s with the bag? I thought I’d be bringing you straight home after.”

“I know, but I’ve brought some things just in case. You never know,” Alicia said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Alright, let’s go then,” said Owen. “You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” answered Alicia.

Most of the drive passed in silence. Alicia was lost in her thoughts, a thousand and one possibilities and scenarios racing through her head. What if the test pointed out that there was anything seriously wrong with the baby? She couldn’t bear the thought of anything being amiss, especially now that she’d gotten so used to the idea of having it.

But what would she do if it turned out that the baby had a serious birth defect or genetic abnormality? Not having it, Will’s baby, was unthinkable. But then again, she already had two children that deserved her care and attention, as well as a law firm with employees that depended on her. How would she manage all that, on her own, with a child that required round the clock care?

In recent days she had often wondered what Will would’ve said in a situation like that. He would probably have said that they’d manage, that they’d find a way to get through it. Together. But that’s where things got complicated. She was alone, and she’d have to figure all of this out by herself.

She suddenly felt a hand reaching for hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You okay, sis?” 

Alicia looked over at her brother and nodded. “Yeah, just nervous.”

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna be there with you the whole time,” he comforted her.

*

At the hospital they didn’t have to wait long before Alicia’s name was called out. Her heart was pounding as she got up and made her way over to the door the nurse had pointed at, Owen following in her wake. Seeing her own doctor whom she trusted with her life helped to calm her nerves ever so slightly. 

Hands were shaken, introductions were made, and they took a seat while Dr. Foster and the ultrasound technician who would be assisting explained the procedure to Alicia and Owen. They took their time to make sure everything was clear, and that Alicia didn’t have any further questions or worries before they would actually start the procedure.

“Okay, if there are no more questions you can go ahead and change while we prepare the equipment,” said the doctor, gesturing to a screen in a corner of the room where Alicia could change. 

When she reappeared and climbed on the examination table, the ultrasound machine and a tray with needles was all laid out and ready to go. Alicia’s heart began to pound, the gravity of the situation hitting her. Although the doctor had explained everything to her and assured her that there was very little risk of complication, the thought of anything going wrong still terrified her.

She proceeded to lay down and Owen took a seat on a stool next to her. 

“Right, let’s do the fun part first shall we?” her doctor commented, trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s take another look at your baby.”

It didn’t take long before the ultrasound technician had located the baby. Even though it had been only two weeks since the last ultrasound, Alicia could spot a clear difference. It looked more like an actual baby and less like a grey blob this time. It was something that would never cease to amaze her. She looked to her left and noticed that Owen was as amazed as she was. His eyes were glued to the screen, his stare transfixed on the tiny being that was happily moving around. 

“What do you think?” Alicia asked.

“I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s amazing,” he half-whispered. “I can’t believe I’m actually looking at my little niece or nephew.” 

In the meantime, the doctor and technician were doing their analysis of the foetal position, placement of the placenta and some other things that would determine what kind of needle they needed to use.

“Alright, now for the less fun part,” the doctor said apologetically as she turned the monitor away from them and prepared her equipment.

Owen grabbed hold of her hand and didn’t let go throughout the entire procedure. Alicia was surprised at the speed of it all; she had expected it to take longer. It also didn’t hurt as much as she’d have thought. It was uncomfortable, but she wasn’t in any actual pain, which was a relief. 

When it was all done and she was dressed again, the doctor motioned her to sit down once again. “You should stay home and rest for at least the next 24 hours. Of course, you can shower and walk around the house a little bit, just normal things, but nothing strenuous. Extend this period to 48 hours should you feel you need it. If anything’s amiss like unusual discharge from the puncture wound or if you don’t feel well, give us a call and come in immediately. But normally it should all heal within the next 48 hours. Do you have anyone to stay with you during that time?”

“I won’t leave her side,” Owen reassured her.

*

Owen started fussing over her as soon as they got home, insisting that she go lie down and take a nap. Alicia knew she would go crazy if she had to spend the entire weekend in bed, so in the end they settled on her lying down on the sofa instead.

It felt odd to be home like this in the middle of the day, mindlessly flicking through the channels and realising how horribly bad daytime television actually was. Owen made sure she had an endless supply of cups of tea and things to eat, until it nearly drove her mad and she ordered him to sit down and watch crap tv with her instead of fussing over her all the time. 

By the time her children got home from school she was so relieved to have someone else in the house. Anything to draw her overbearing brother’s attention away from her. He meant well and she appreciated the fact that he was so supportive, but he could be a little intense sometimes.

Grace dropped her school bag in the hallway and immediately rushed over to hug her mother. A look of worry was clearly etched onto her face. “How did it go. Are you ok, mom?”

Alicia smiled and pulled her daughter close to her. “Yes, I’m fine. I just need to take it easy this weekend.”

Zach moved closer to the sofa, still a bit unsure about how to deal with the whole pregnancy situation and nervous about what to say. “Did it hurt?” he finally asked.

She shook her head. “No, not really. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it was a lot less scary than I thought it would be.”

Alicia noticed Zach’s unease and motioned him to come closer and sit down on her other side. As soon as he sat down, she put an arm around each of her children and pulled them closer to her. “Have I mentioned how much I appreciate you guys’ support? You’re handling the whole situation really well and I’m so proud of you.” 

“We just want you to be ok,” said Grace, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder. 

Alicia just smiled and planted a kiss on each of her children’s foreheads. She knew that many challenges lay ahead, but she had all the support she could possibly wish for given the circumstances. This feeling of confidence probably wouldn’t last, but just for a moment she allowed herself to revel in the feeling that she could take whatever life would throw at her. 

She ended up having a full house that weekend. In addition to Owen staying with her, her children decided to cancel their weekend plans as well and keep their mother company. They ordered take out, watched cheesy movies and just enjoyed being in each other’s company. A rare luxury with all of their respective, busy schedules, and Alicia relished every minute of it. Sometimes life wasn’t so bad after all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promised you some Will/Alicia and this chapter it's finally happening. I hope I didn't hype it up too much and that it lives up to your expectations. Also I took some liberties with regards to divorce proceedings. I know that this normally takes way longer than just a few weeks, but I wanted to move the story along (and get Peter out of the way once and for all) so I hope you'll forgive me for this. 
> 
> Once again thanks to everyone for leaving kudos and comments, I really appreciate it!

The minutes tick by slowly, the constant bickering of the lawyers in the room has become little more than background noise. She had tried to pay close attention to what they were discussing for the first hour or so, but she’s since lost the will to focus on what they’re saying. She just wants this to end, sign the damn papers and be done with it.

She carefully looks across the table and sees the same dejectedness and downright annoyance reflected in Peter. He looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here, and she feels the same way.

They’re in the large conference room at Lockhart/Gardner, surrounded by lawyers, paralegals and of course Eli. The hallways at the law office are always busy, but Alicia can’t help but notice that the same people keep walking past the glass walls at a suspicious frequency. This is exactly the reason why she didn’t want to do this here for all the world to see. If only she could escape the prying eyes just this once. Her entire life has been scrutinised by the outside world for years now, and she’s just so over it.

Not that she’s making any illusions about the months that lie ahead. Simply signing the divorce papers and no longer being associated with Peter in any official capacity, won’t make the press’ interest in her private life go away. Especially once they find out about her pregnancy, which they inevitably will at some point. She pushes the thought aside for the moment. She’ll cross that bridge when she needs to and doesn’t want to get herself worked up about it any sooner than necessary.

She subconsciously smooths down the jacket she’s wearing, ensuring it’s not bunched up in all the wrong places. Although she’s not really showing yet, with her clothes off she just looks like she’s slightly bloated, she’s hyper conscious of her surroundings and wants to avoid anything that could possibly arouse any suspicion about her condition.

She’s snapped out of her stream of thoughts and looks up when David Lee raises his voice to Peter’s lawyer across the table. She’s unsure of what they’re discussing, but her guess is it’s some minor detail about the division of assets or something along those lines. She had told David that he didn’t need to do this, that she just wanted an easy, simple divorce and that the most important thing was to get it done quickly. But he wouldn’t be David Lee if he didn’t get her the best deal possible, so he wouldn’t hear of it. Neither Peter nor Alicia had put up much of a fight, so it was mostly their lawyers fighting it out between them.

Alicia was surprised that Peter had been so easy about it all. She had expected him to at least try and make her work for it. But perhaps she had been wrong about him. Maybe he had finally realised that even without this pregnancy speeding things up, they would never have been able to make their marriage work. Maybe he finally wanted to move on with his life as well.

At least that’s what she’d gathered from their brief exchanges they’d had since she told him she wanted a divorce. Most of their communication went through texts or very short phone calls, usually about the practicalities revolving around their children’s lives and not much more than that. But from the way he spoke to her during those brief moments of contact she was able to gleam that he was moving on. He had even said that she could keep using the name Florrick professionally if she wanted to.

Though despite all this she didn’t think he had fully come to terms with it yet, but at least he didn’t sound too bitter, which was all she could hope for at this point. After all, it had only been a few weeks and these things need time to be fully digested.

“Ok, I guess that’s it then,” Eli said, who had been acting as a kind of peacemaker between the two lawyers, since neither Peter nor Alicia were what you could call active participants in the negotiations.

“That is, if both parties agree,” said David Lee, casting a questioning glance at Alicia.

Alicia nodded. “Sure, just hand me the papers and I’ll sign them”.

Being a lawyer herself did come in handy in moments like this, because nobody had to walk her through the document and tell her where to sign. Though usually she wasn’t of course the client but the lawyer in these cases, but it didn’t make much of a difference. Scribbling her signature on all the necessary pages felt liberating, as though she was finally taking control of her life. She suddenly wondered why she hadn’t done this years ago, when she had first approached David Lee about looking into the possible outcome if she were to divorce her husband.

Once done she pushed the papers across the table towards Peter. He took them from her without looking up and went through the same motions of putting his signature next to hers on every page.

The lawyers stood up and shook hands. “Nice doing business with you,” David Lee said to his counterpart, putting on the most insincere, fake smile he could muster. Before the other lawyer could respond he had turned around and exited the conference room, the other L/G employees that had been present following in his wake.

Within a minute or two the conference room was empty, save for Alicia, Peter and Eli. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air.

It was Eli who finally broke the silence. “Well, I think that went rather smoothly. Of course, we have to wait until the judge officially approves the divorce later this week, and then we can make the news public. It’s important that we do it on our own terms, so best not to even mention the d-word outside of these four walls. I’ve prepared a press statement that you can read after the divorce is finalised. I thought it would be a good idea to do it on the steps of the courthouse.”

Peter just nodded. “Sure, Eli, just do whatever you think works and make the necessary arrangements.”

Eli turned to Alicia. “I could draft a short statement for you as well if you like. But you don’t have to. You could just stand next to Peter when he delivers his statement on behalf of the both of you.”

Alicia just shook her head. “Oh no, I want nothing to do with this Eli. Peter’s the Governor, and thanks to this divorce I’m once again just a private citizen. I won’t be a part of your press conference, that’s your thing.”

Eli started to protest. “It really would look better if the two of you…” but he was cut off by Peter.

“Leave it Eli. Alicia’s right, this is my responsibility.” He looked up and met Alicia’s eyes for the first time since they’d entered the conference room. “You don’t have to be a part of this. It’s over.”

“Thank you,” she said, and she really meant it. For a moment they just looked at each other, the finality of what they were doing finally sinking in. The moment was, once again, interrupted brusquely by Eli.

“Peter, I don’t wish to be rude, but you have to be in Springfield by 1 and we really need to get going.”

“Yes, you’re right, we need to go.” He looked at Alicia one last time before he left. “Say hi to the kids for me. Tell them I’ll come and see them this weekend.”

“I will,” Alicia nodded. And with that she was left in the conference room on her own.

*

Diane looked up when she heard a soft knock on her office door. Alicia was standing on the other side and she motioned for her to come in.

“I just wanted to say hello before I left,” Alicia said as she walked in.

“So it’s done then?” Diane asked. “How do you feel?”

“I’m not sure,” Alicia said earnestly as she sat down across from the older woman. “Of course I’m relieved that it went smoothly and that were able to pull it off on such short notice. But I never thought I’d feel kind of, I don’t know, sad about it. Though that’s probably not the right word.”

“Melancholic maybe?” Diane suggested.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s it. I’m convinced that it’s the right decision and that I should’ve done it sooner, but it still feels odd that the moment’s finally here.”

“I guess it would be strange if you didn’t feel that way. After all, you were married for nearly twenty years and you have two children together. That’s a whole chapter of your life that’s now ended,” Diane said. “But it also means that you can now look to the future.”

“You’re right,” said Alicia, a smile now appearing on her face. She got up again and reached out across the desk to take Diane’s hand and give it a soft squeeze by means of thank you. “See you soon?” she asked, shooting the other woman a meaningful look, knowing full well that they couldn’t discuss _it _in her office.

Diane nodded. “Yes, I announced to the partners last Friday that I’m going to retire, and I’ve given them my two weeks’ notice. So once that’s all taken care of I’ll have a lot of free time on my hands. Which means I’ll see you _soon,_” she emphasised.

*

_4 days later_

Alicia was hiding away in one of the bathrooms at the courthouse and was probably checking her emails for the fifth time in about twenty minutes just to help pass the time.

Today was the day the judge would sign the final judgment for the dissolution of her marriage to Peter, and by trying to make sure she would make it on time she had actually arrived far too early.

At first she had sat down in the main hallway, but noticed that she was drawing too much attention to herself. In the eyes of other people she was, after all, still the First Lady of Illinois. She also didn’t want to risk running into anyone she knew and have to avoid awkward questions about what she was doing here, because she didn’t have any court dates planned for this week.

So that’s how she came to be in a bathroom on the first floor, which she knew not many people frequented and was therefore a pretty safe bet as a hideout. It was also a place her and Will had snuck off to on more than one occasion, she remembered with a smirk.

_3 months earlier_

_They were on opposite sides in a court case again and they were both fighting hard and relentlessly. This time she hadn’t stooped so low as to wear the same outfit she’d worn when, as she had reminded him that other time, ‘he had banged her for the first time’._

_Although, she thought, it would add an interesting element to his cross-examination. But she decided against it. She was torturing him enough by making him pretend as if they still hated each other. She would have to talk to Peter soon, but he was never around and she still hadn’t figured out the best way to approach the subject._

_The judge called a recess for lunch and the people began to file out of the courtroom. She was still packing up her things when her phone buzzed. It was Will._

_Meet me in the bathroom._

_She didn’t need to be told twice; she knew exactly which one he meant. She headed over to the bathroom and had barely made it through the door before he threw himself at her, pinning her up against the wall and kissing her hard. She eagerly responded to the kiss, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in closer._

_“Who knew a good cross-examination could be such a turn on,” she said teasingly between kisses._

_“Certainly works for me,” Will growled as he trailed a line of kisses from her jawline down to her neck._

_Alicia could tell where this was headed, the evidence of his arousal firmly pressed against her lower belly. She had to muster all her willpower to push him away. “Will, we need to stop.”_

_“Not just yet,” he murmured, continuing to suck on that spot on her neck that he knew drove her wild._

_“No I’m serious, anyone could walk in on us at any moment,” Alicia insisted, trying to sound more serious and not too out of breath, the tell-tale sign of her own arousal._

_Will finally pulled away and looked at her. “I hate this. How much longer do we need to keep up this pretence?”_

_“Peter’s going to be in town this weekend for a fundraiser, I’ll try and talk to him then. But I want to do this properly and think things through, so that I’m prepared for every eventuality.”_

_Will laughed and shook his head. “You’re such a lawyer.”_

_“I promise I’ll talk to him soon. I hate the fact that we’re apart just as much as you do,” Alicia assured him._

_They stood there for a moment, their foreheads touching but not saying anything._

_“We can’t be seen leaving this toilet together,” said Alicia._

_“You go first. I uh, I’m going to need a moment for this to calm down,” Will said, gesturing down at the rather obvious bulge in his trousers._

_Alicia laughed and gave him a peck on the lips. “Ok, I’ll see you back in court later.”_

Glancing down at her watch, she realised it was almost time for her appointment with the judge. Peter would probably be there by now, waiting for her. She put her phone away, took one last look in the mirror to straighten her clothes, and headed out.

Peter was indeed already waiting for her by the judge’s chambers, with Eli loitering nearby. He was probably busy setting up some last-minute things for the press statement later.

She was glad there weren’t too many people around. Usually the arrival of the Governor brought with it a buzz and a throng of people all wanting to know what he was doing there. Luckily that wasn’t the case this time, and most people just went about their business as the two of them slipped relatively unnoticed into the judge’s chambers.

The whole ordeal was over quick and only lasted about fifteen minutes from start to finish. They went over the parameters of custody and visitation, which was rather unnecessary since Zach would go off to college after the summer and Grace the year after, but since they were technically minors it was part of the protocol. Since both parties were in agreement there wasn’t much left for the judge to rule on, so he quickly approved the dissolution of their marriage.

Before they knew it they found themselves outside chambers in the hallway again, which had suddenly become a lot busier. Alicia didn’t really have the time to say anything to Peter before Eli interjected. “Most reporters are already gathering on the steps outside, eager to know what’s going on. I think you’d better get out there quickly and make the statement before they start snooping around inside, trying to get information.”

Peter nodded and allowed himself to be whisked away by Eli. Alicia watched them go and then quietly slipped out of a side entrance and headed towards her car. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I would like to apologise for my absence. You'd think that self-quarantine would create the ideal circumstances for writing, but nothing could be further from the truth. I hope that everyone's doing ok and staying safe during these crazy times!

Monday

Alicia glanced at the clock on her nightstand and realised she really had to hurry. She had hit the snooze button on her phone a few too many times that morning, which resulted in her being seriously late for work. She quickly buttoned her blouse and pulled one of her favourite pencil skirts out of her closet and stepped into it.

“Mom, I need you to sign this form for me!” she heard Grace call out from the kitchen.

“Ok, I’ll be there in a sec,” she called back as she zipped up her skirt. Or at least, as she tried to zip it up. She had managed to pull the zipper about two-thirds up before it stalled.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” she muttered as she turned sideways in front of the mirror. She tried with all her might to pull the zipper up, but it just wouldn’t budge. Defeatedly, she stepped out of her skirt and threw it on the bed.

She tried a second skirt but had no luck with that one either. It joined the other discarded skirt on the bed. She pulled up her blouse to take a look at herself in her full-length mirror and let out an audible gasp at the sight of her own body. Her belly had popped over the weekend and she was now suddenly sporting a rather sizeable bump. Of course, it was still relatively small and could easily be hidden under a large sweater but bared like this there was no denying that she was actually pregnant. Since she had spent most of the weekend lounging around the house in sweatpants, she had somehow missed the sudden change to her body.

Alicia thought back to last Friday after she’d come home from court.

_Since she didn’t have anything important to keep her at the office, Alicia decided to work from home for the rest of the day. She thought it best to lie low for a little bit while the news of the Governor’s divorce broke, and she didn’t want to have to deal with the inevitable whispering and staring at work. _

_She was surprised at how much work she had been able to get done in just a few hours when there was nobody or nothing to distract her. Her head shot up when she suddenly heard the front door open. It was only early afternoon and she wasn’t expecting anyone at this hour._

_Grace came barging into the house. “Mom, are you there?”_

_“In here,” Alicia called from the dining room._

_Grace rushed in and dropped her schoolbag next to the table. “There’s reporters everywhere!” _

_“Where exactly?” she asked, sounding surprised._

_“Outside our building. There are at least twenty,” said Grace as she sat down next to her mother._

_“You didn’t talk to them, did you?” Alicia asked, looking concerned._

_Grace shook her head. “No, I just ignored them. They did shout lots of different things at me, but I just kept on walking”._

_Alicia didn’t say anything for a moment. She had had her fair share of confrontations with reporters over the past five years, so she wasn’t exactly surprised that they took an interest in her divorce. But at the same time, it wasn’t something you ever got used to. The interest in her private life still managed to catch her off guard. _

_“Wait, why are you home so early and where’s Zach?” Alicia asked suddenly._

_“My last class got cancelled and Zach had some exam preparation to do after school, and I didn’t want to wait around for him to finish. So, I took the L.”_

_“Well you should’ve called me. That way I could’ve picked you up and you’d have been able to avoid the reporters.”_

_Grace shrugged her shoulders. “It’s ok, they don’t scare me anymore like they used to.”_

_The way she said it, so nonchalantly, almost broke Alicia’s heart. Suddenly it hit home again what her children had been put through with Peter’s scandal. And now they were being confronted by the media once again thanks to their parents’ actions. Even though her children would probably wave it off as being unimportant if she brought it up, she felt guilty about that every single day._

_“So, that means the divorce is final now?” Grace asked after a moment of silence._

_Alicia nodded. “It is. How do you feel about it?”_

_“Ok I guess,” said Grace. “I mean, you and dad weren’t really together anymore so in reality it doesn’t change anything. But it’s just weird to think that we’re now officially not a family anymore.”_

_Alicia stretched her arm out across the table and took one of Grace’s hand in hers. “I know sweetie. And it’s ok to feel sad about that. But just because we’re not a family now, doesn’t mean we can’t look back on all the happy moments we spent together. We’ll always have those.”_

“Mom, I’m going to be late!”

A few seconds later Grace came bursting into her mother’s bedroom. Her attention was first drawn to the pile of clothes thrown haphazardly onto the bed, and then to her half-dressed mother who was rummaging frantically through her normally well-organised closet.

“What’s going on, are you ok?” Grace asked.

“I’m trying to find something that fits,” Alicia answered, silently cursing her preference for skin-tight outfits.

“Why, do none of your clothes fit you anymore?”

Alicia shook her head. “Well none of my skirts do.”

“Then wear a dress,” Grace said matter-of-factly.

Now why hadn’t she thought of that? Alicia pulled out the first dress she could find, a red one. “Right, let’s see if this’ll fit me.”

She unbuttoned and took off her blouse and heard a gasp not dissimilar to the one she had let out just minutes earlier. “Wow, you’re really showing all of a sudden,” her daughter said.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Suddenly makes it seem real, doesn’t it? And I really need to go shopping,” she added.

She pulled the dress over her head and was pleasantly surprised to find that it still fit her. Only this left her with another problem; it accentuated the curve of her belly and it made her look unmistakably pregnant. “See, I can’t wear this either. I haven’t told the people at work yet and they can’t find out like this.”

Grace walked over to her mother’s closet and inspected it for a moment before pulling out a jacket in a matching colour. “Wear this over it, that should be enough to hide it.”

Alicia took the jacket from her daughter and put it on. It was a slightly looser fit and she was able to button it up without any problems. She inspected herself in the mirror once again and found that the jacket covered up her bump perfectly. As long as she kept it on, nobody would suspect a thing.

She planted a kiss on her daughter’s cheek. “Thank you, you’re a life saver.”

“Ok, now that we’ve got this sorted, I really need you to come and sign this form for me or I’m going to be seriously late for school,” Grace said as she started walking towards the door.

“Yes, I’m coming,” Alicia called after her. She took one last look in the mirror and fleetingly stroked her belly with her left hand before following her daughter into the kitchen.

*

Friday

Alicia glanced nervously at the clock in her office. It was only 1 o’clock, so she still had a few hours to kill before Diane would arrive to officially join their firm. She had said she would walk out of Lockhart/Gardner at 5 along with the other colleagues that were leaving with her and would then come straight over.

Cary and Alicia had asked all the associates to stay a little longer today but hadn’t yet specified why. This wasn’t met with a lot of enthusiasm, since most people tried to get out early on a Friday and get a few drinks down them at a bar to celebrate the end of the working week. They were taking a bit of a risk here, and she just hoped that the new additions to the firm would get a warm welcome.

With a sigh Alicia returned her focus to the documents on the computer screen in front of her. She didn’t have to be in court today, nor did she have any meetings planned, so she had decided that today had to be an admin day. It wasn’t the best timing, since it was dull work that didn’t really help pass the time. She really needed to stop looking at the clock every ten minutes.

What didn’t help either was the sudden heatwave that had descended on Chicago that week, especially because the air conditioning at the office wasn’t working properly, along with many other things that still needed fixing. Alicia was too hot to be able to focus properly on the task in hand but didn’t dare take off her jacket. All week she’d had this struggle to keep her pregnancy hidden from her colleagues, which was made all the more difficult by the steadily rising temperatures. She was sick of all the secrecy and couldn’t wait to tell everyone tonight.

She had talked it over with Cary and they both agreed that it was a good idea to tell everyone at the firm at the same time that Diane would be joining them. That way they could get all the changes and announcements out of the way at once.

Before she had managed to read so much as one page of her document, she was snapped out of her concentration again by the buzzing of her phone.

She didn’t recognise the number but answered it anyway. “Hello?”

“Hi, Alicia, it’s Dr. Foster,” she heard the person on the other end say.

“Oh, hi doctor.”

“Is this a bad time?” the doctor asked. “You sound distracted.”

“No, no it’s fine, sorry if I sound distracted. I was just in the middle of reading something when the phone rang,” Alicia said quickly.

“Oh good, because I do have some important news for you. The results of your amnio are in.”

As soon as those words were spoken it was as if time slowed down for Alicia. She felt her heart thumping in her throat and her ears were ringing. The test results were in. She would finally know whether her baby was ok or not, and suddenly she didn’t feel as if she were ready to know the outcome.

Up until now she had been able to pretend and tell herself that everything was fine. She had become pretty good at compartmentalising over the years, she’d had to be. But results were final. She’d no longer have any uncertainty or the unknown to hide behind. And she wasn’t sure she was ready to face the consequences of a negative outcome.

She was snapped back out of her thoughts by the voice on the other end of the line. “Alicia, are you still there?”

“Uh yes, sorry. I’m here,” she half-mumbled.

“Well, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer than is necessary,” Dr Foster said. “All results came back negative. The baby’s fine.”

Alicia released a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding. “Really, are you sure?” she asked, a slight tremor in her voice.

The doctor laughed. “Yes, the results don’t lie, you can breathe easily now. I figured I might as well tell you over the phone. Saves you having to drive all the way over here only for me to tell you everything’s fine.”

_Everything’s fine._ Those words resonated more with her than anything had done in a long time. “Thank you so much, doctor.”

“You’re welcome,” the doctor replied. “There is one other thing though.”

“What’s that?” asked Alicia.

“Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” she asked.

Alicia stopped to think for a minute. For weeks now Grace had been bugging her about that, saying that her and Zach had a bet going about the sex of the baby. Grace had been convinced from the get-go that the baby was a girl, while Zach had put his money on the baby being a boy. In the meantime, Alicia had had so much on her mind that she hadn’t so much as put a thought into the sex of the baby at all.

During her pregnancies with Zach and Grace, respectively, her and Peter had found out the sex in advance. Which had been mostly down to Peter because he was adamant to find out, whereas Alicia had quite liked the idea of having a delivery surprise. But because Peter so desperately wanted to know both times, she had gone along with it.

However, this time the decision was hers alone to take. “No,” she finally answered. “I think I’d like to keep it a surprise.”

“Alright,” her doctor responded. “Well it’s on file here, so you could always ask me if you change your mind.”

Alicia and Dr. Foster exchanged pleasantries and then ended the conversation. She leaned back in her chair and breathed another sigh of relief. The baby was healthy, she could scarcely believe it.

She looked around furtively to check if no one was watching her, and then proceeded to rub a hand across her belly. “You’re ok baby,” she whispered softly. And then, looking nowhere in particular she added quietly, “the baby’s ok, Will.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like my writer's block has lifted slightly, so here's another chapter. Once again, I will try and update a bit more regularly but I can't make any promises. Thanks again for the comments and kudos. Keep them coming :)

“To us”, Diane said cheerfully as the three champagne flutes clinked together in a celebratory toast. “To us”, Alicia and Cary repeated in unison.

They were the only three people left in the office, everyone else had long since gone home or was finally getting some well-deserved drinks down them to celebrate the end of the working week. Once the others had left, Cary suggested they’d drink to their new partnership. When the two women agreed he had produced a bottle of non-alcoholic cider so Alicia could join in as well.

“I’ve got to ask though,” Cary started as they each sipped their drink, “I still don’t fully understand why you were so keen to join our firm. Not that I’m not pleased, but every other law firm in Chicago would have bent over backwards to have you.”

Diane waited a moment before answering. “It’s like I said at the meeting earlier. You have a fighting spirit that a lot of the other, established firms are lacking. It’s the reason why I wanted to become a lawyer in the first place, to fight the good fight. And I’m afraid that over the years I’ve become too comfortable in my position. I wanted to shake things up for myself, and your firm seemed like the perfect place to do that. So, I’m glad that you agreed to have me.”

“And we’re so happy to have you here, Diane”, Alicia added. She raised her glass again. “To Cavanaugh, Agos & Lockhart.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Cary chimed in.

“Hear, hear”, Diane added.

When Alicia drove herself home that evening she felt exhausted and exhilarated all at once. Everything had gone so much better than she had dared to dream.

_Earlier that evening_

Around five o’clock she had received a text from Diane saying ‘_On our way. Be there in 20’, _which meant that the walkout had been successful. By that time their employees had started gathering in their main conference area – you couldn’t very well call it a conference room since it still lacked walls – and they were getting restless. There was a tension in the air, and everybody could feel that something was about to happen, but nobody knew what it was exactly.

She saw every single jaw literally drop when those elevator doors finally opened and Diane came strolling out, with a number of other familiar faces following in her wake. Alicia was surprised and slightly shocked to see Kalinda among them.

Cary ended up doing most of the talking at first, explaining to everyone what was happening and that the firm would be expanding quite significantly. A few murmurs of dissent could be heard here and there, but the reaction to the news was mostly positive.

Diane then took a moment to say a few things, mostly to reiterate and reassure everyone that this wasn’t a takeover and that they needn’t worry about this firm becoming anything like Lockhart/Gardner had been before they left. This seemed to go over reasonably well and people’s minds appeared to have been put at ease. _Diane always was a very convincing speaker who had no trouble persuading a crowd with just a few, simple words, _Alicia thought to herself.

And then it was Alicia’s turn to speak. The next few items on the agenda were more personal, so she knew it would be best if her employees heard it from her directly.

“Right, as you have all probably heard by now,” she started hesitantly, “my divorce was finalised last week. And I have decided that I will no longer use the Florrick name either personally or professionally. Which means that, in addition to adding Diane’s name to the letterhead, our firm will have another name change.”

She nodded to Cary, who by now was standing a little off to the side holding what seemed to look like a plaque covered with a blanket. He removed the blanket to reveal the new letterhead that would be adorning the reception area from now on. “From next Monday, you will be employees at Cavanaugh, Agos & Lockhart,” he announced cheerfully.

Alicia took a couple of deep breaths while everyone applauded and admired the new letterhead. She had to announce it now and do it quickly, like ripping a band aid off. That way it would be out in the open and she could finally get on with her life. She was sick of the secrecy.

“Okay, before I let you all go to finally enjoy your well-deserved weekend, I have one last announcement to make. And this one’s of a more personal nature.”

She took a moment and looked around the room, which she decided immediately was a bad idea. The room had suddenly gone very quiet and everyone was looking at her expectantly, which did nothing to calm her nerves.

_Say it. Just do it. Just get it over with, _her inner voice practically screamed at her. “I’m pregnant,” she finally managed to blurt out. “And now I don’t want any of you to worry, this will not impact the future of this firm or your jobs in any way. I will continue working for as long as I can, and when the moment comes for me to take a step back you will be left in the very capable hands of Cary and Diane,” she assured them.

“Come on people, let’s give her a big hand now,” Cary said to the room and initiated an applause, to which the others soon joined in. Alicia was grateful for Cary’s interjection at this point, which meant that she didn’t have to do any more talking. By the end of her announcement she had started rambling and she was glad that Cary had cut her off before it became too awkward.

Congratulations and well-wishes were exchanged, and people soon started filing out of the office to finally start their weekend celebrations. It was then that Alicia breathed a sigh of relief. They had done it; they had actually managed to pull it off. And most importantly: no more secrets.

*

Monday

Alicia had barely stepped off the elevator before her assistant came rushing towards her.

“Morning Alicia, there’s an A.S.A. waiting for you in your office,” she said before Alicia even had time to open her mouth.

She looked at her watch. It was only a quarter past eight. “Okay,” she finally said. “Did they give a name?”

The assistant shook her head. “No, he said you knew each other and that you’d be ok with him coming in without an appointment. Since your first meeting isn’t for another hour, I figured that it would be ok.”

“Yeah, no that’s fine. I’ll just go and see him now. Thanks.”

Alicia headed for her office, curious to find out who she was going to find there. As she got closer to her office, she spotted the back of the occupant’s head, but it didn’t immediately register who she was looking at. Suddenly, something clicked. “Finn?” she asked as she walked in.

The person turned at the sound of her voice. Alicia’s suspicion had been correct, it was indeed Finn.

“Alicia, hi. I eh, I hope you don’t mind me barging in like this without calling ahead.”

She shook her head and walked over to her desk. “No, not at all. How have you been?”

“Wow,” Finn exclaimed as Alicia put her large handbag down on her desk.

“What?” Alicia asked, but then followed his gaze down to her midsection. “Oh, that.” She laughed.

“Congratulations, I had no idea,” Finn said.

“Thanks. I hadn’t told many people yet, but now it just kind of speaks for itself.” She smoothed down her dress over her belly.

“Anyway, what can I do for you?” she asked, taking a seat behind her desk and gesturing for him to take a seat as well.

“A few weeks back when you came to see me you warned me about Castro. I waved it off because I couldn’t believe that he would try and put the blame for the mistakes that were made in the Jeffrey Grant trial on me. But last week he called me into his office to discuss the trial and, I don’t know, it was odd. He seemed distant and he was questioning my methods in a way that didn’t sit right with me.”

“So, then what happened?” Alicia asked.

Finn pulled an all too familiar looking yellow-ish envelope out of his jacket pocket. “I got subpoenaed to appear at a preliminary hearing tomorrow.”

Alicia sighed. “Unbelievable. I just knew he’d pull a stunt like this.”

“So, I was hoping you could represent me tomorrow,” Finn said.

Alicia nodded. “Of course, you definitely need a lawyer for this and I’m more than happy to do it. What time is the hearing tomorrow?”

“It’s at nine,” he answered.

“Damnit. I’ve literally got back-to-back meetings today. I had hoped to have at least a little bit of time to prepare tomorrow morning or something.”

“If you’re too busy I completely understand. I could always try and ask someone else,” said Finn. “It’s all very last minute so I don’t expect you to drop everything just to help me.”

She waved off his concerns immediately. “No, no don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out.”

Alicia took a moment to go over her options. “Come by my apartment tonight. My kids are staying with their dad, so I have the place to myself. Bring over the files you have, and we’ll go over them and try and devise some kind of strategy for tomorrow.”

Finn looked surprised. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to give up what little free time you have for me.”

“Honestly Finn, it’s fine. And if you bring me a Pad Thai, I’ll be even more cooperative,” she smirked at him.

That last remark made him laugh. “Ok, duly noted. What time do you want me to come by?”

“Is seven ok for you?”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.” He got up to head out but turned back to Alicia one last time. “Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for. See you tonight.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Again apologies for taking so long to update. I had very specific ideas for this chapter and had it all planned out, but when it came down to actually writing the thing I still struggled for a bit. I hope the extra long chapter makes up for the wait though. 
> 
> Some dialogue at the end of the chapter was partially taken from TGW 5x18

Work ended up running late that day, so by the time Alicia finally made it home it was already a quarter to seven. She couldn’t remember the state she had left her apartment in that morning, but whatever state it was in would have to do. She wouldn’t have time to tidy up before Finn arrived.

She kicked off her shoes with a sigh of relief the moment she closed the door behind her. Her feet were killing her, and she knew it wouldn’t be long before she would have to trade in her beloved high heeled shoes for flats. But she wasn’t quite ready to give that up just yet.

She spent the next fifteen minutes rushing around trying to make at least the kitchen look presentable. Since they would be eating while going over the case files, she figured the island in the kitchen would do just fine for that. And that way she didn’t have to clear the dining room table, which was currently buried under stacks of her files and some of the kids’ textbooks.

At almost exactly seven o’clock she heard a knock on her door. Alicia smiled, she’d had a feeling that Finn was a punctual guy and she had been right. She opened the door to find him standing on the other side, his bag slung over his left shoulder and a bag of takeaway food in his right hand.

“Got my case files and your Pad Thai, so we should be all set,” he said as Alicia let him in and pointed him towards the kitchen area.

“Have a seat and make yourself comfortable. I’m just quickly going to change, won’t be long,” Alicia excused herself and slipped into her bedroom. She re-emerged a few minutes later, having traded in her dress for a pair of comfy trousers and a loose-fitting t-shirt.

She joined Finn in the kitchen, who had started unpacking the food and spread it out over the kitchen island. Alicia grabbed some plates and cutlery from a cupboard and placed them next to the food. “Sorry about leaving you in here by yourself, I just had to get out of those clothes.”

Finn smiled. “That’s ok. You look a lot more comfortable now.

Alicia nodded. “I am. I’d forgotten my adversity to tight clothes during pregnancy. But I guess that’s normal since it’s been a while.”

She placed a bottle of wine and a glass next to the food. “Help yourself to some wine if you like. My brother opened a bottle when he was here the other day, and I’m obviously not going to finish it.” She looked longingly at the bottle of red in front of her. This was normally the time of day when she would sit down, relax and treat herself to a nice big glass of wine. She poured herself a glass of sparkling water instead.

Finn poured himself a healthy measure of wine. “Always happy to help,” he said and raised the glass to her before taking a sip.

Alicia walked around the island and took a seat next to Finn. “Right, let’s get to work then.”

Not too long after that the kitchen resembled the mess that was her dining room table, with papers and takeout containers spread all across it.

“Right, now that we’ve gone through all this, let’s recap and establish a timeline,” said Alicia, grabbing a notepad and a pen. “When did you first start to suspect that Castro was up to something?”

“Well like I said this morning, the first time I got a feeling something wasn’t right was when he called me into his office last week.”

“What exactly did he say?” Alicia asked.

Finn took a sip of wine and put his glass back down before answering. “He casually asked me when I dropped the professor as a suspect and decided to focus on Jeffrey Grant instead. To make it out as if I was solely responsible for taking the investigation in that direction.”

Alicia jotted down a few notes. “So that wasn’t your decision?”

Finn shook his head. “No, it was actually Castro himself who made that decision. And I’ve got the emails to prove it,” he pointed to some paper printouts in front of him. “When I confronted Castro about the emails, he got a bit cagey. And I got the subpoena for a disciplinary hearing not long after that.”

“Okay,” Alicia nodded along as she took more notes. “Anything else?”

“I’m not sure if it’s relevant, but he mentioned something about wanting to run a State’s Attorney’s office that’s fair. Fair in prosecution, investigation and sentencing. And that he needed my help with this in order to get re-elected.”

“And what do you think he meant by that?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure, and maybe I’m just being paranoid here, but I feel like he wants me to take the blame for the mistakes that were made in this case so he can run for re-election without the shadow of failure hanging over him.”

“I don’t think that sounds paranoid at all. He wants to prove he’s free of any scandals and that he takes a hard line against anyone who steps out of line. It’s all part of his campaign strategy. I was married to a politician for twenty years, so I know how these things work.”

Finn laughed. “Ok, I’ll trust your judgement on this one then. Good to know I’m not paranoid yet.”

“Not an easy feat in the S.A.’s office,” Alicia joked as she got up from the bar stool and stretched. “I’m sorry, but these stools are getting uncomfortable. Would you mind if we continued this in the living room?”

“No, not at all. Wherever you feel most comfortable,” said Finn as he got up as well. He grabbed his papers and wineglass and followed her.

Once they’d installed themselves on the couch with their papers spread out on the coffee table, they continued their strategizing for the next day. After working for a good few hours, they were pretty much done and their conversation turned more casual, though they both avoided addressing the elephant in the room without whom they wouldn’t even have met: Will.

After a while of just chitchatting about random things and joking around, there was a moment of silence, though not an uncomfortable one. It was amazing how comfortable they had become in each other’s presence in such a relatively short time.

It was Finn who eventually broke the silence with a question that had been on his mind for a while. “I’ve been debating whether to ask you this, since I’m not sure if we know each other well enough for me to be asking you this at all,” he started.

Alicia had had a feeling that this was coming. “You’re wondering why I got divorced while also being pregnant,” she finished his sentence for him.

Finn smiled sheepishly. “Well, yes.”

“Because Peter is not the baby’s father,” she said matter-of-factly. She had voiced it out loud so many times by now that it just rolled off the tongue without any sense of apprehension or embarrassment.

She laughed as she saw Finn struggling to keep his jaw from actually dropping. “Now don’t look so shocked. It’s the papers that turned me into Saint Alicia, I had nothing to do with that.”  
  
“Evidently,” he grinned. “And speaking of the papers, I’m surprised they haven’t run with this story this yet.”

“Won’t be long before they figure it out,” Alicia said, pulling a face that was halfway between a smile and a grimace. “That’s something I’m definitely not looking forward to.”

“I can imagine,” Finn agreed.

Alicia was relieved that Finn didn’t directly ask her about the baby’s paternity. She was getting tired and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to keep her emotions in check if they went into all of that.

Luckily Finn remembered a funny anecdote about an eccentric client he’d had to deal with the other day and the conversation soon turned to the weirdest clients and cases they’d had during their career. Grateful for the change of topic, Alicia took an active part in the conversation and allowed herself to fully relax for the first time in weeks.

*

Alicia awoke with a start, her back hurting from the uncomfortable position she had been lying in. She felt disoriented and blinked a few times to try and get her eyes to focus. She suddenly realised she wasn’t in bed, but still on her couch in the living room. The room was dark, which meant it was late, because her lights were all connected to a timer that switched everything off automatically at midnight.

She fumbled around for her phone and finally found that she was lying on it. Having retrieved it she checked the time. 2.30 am.

She had no idea how long she’d been asleep for and no recollection of how she had managed to fall asleep on the couch in the first place. And then she suddenly realised that Finn had been there, but she couldn’t remember him leaving to go home.

Turning her head sideways, she found the man in question fast asleep on the other end of the couch. She got up slowly, careful not to wake him, and covered him with the plaid that was draped over the back of the couch. She then tiptoed out of the room towards her bedroom and crawled into bed. She was asleep again within minutes.

*

Finn stuck his head around the bedroom door, unsure of whether he was crossing a line or not. “Alicia,” he whispered.

Luckily Alicia was a light sleeper and woke up immediately when she heard someone say her name. For a moment she was unsure of where she was, but then she realised she was just lying in her own bed. She sat up and noticed Finn peering into her room.

“Hey,” she said as she sleepily rubbed her eyes.

“Hey,” he responded. “Guess we were both pretty tired last night.”

She smiled at him. “Guess so. What time is it?”

“It’s 6.30. I’m gonna go home and change. Meet you in court later?”

Alicia nodded. “Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

Finn turned around and closed the door behind him. Alicia laid back down and pulled the covers up to her chin. Since the kids weren’t home, she could afford to stay in bed a little longer. 

*

“Hey, wait up.”

Alicia was walking up the steps to the courthouse but stopped and turned around at the sound of the familiar sounding voice. She noticed Finn jogging towards her.

“Relax, we’ve got time,” she said as she waited for him to catch up with her.

They headed into the courthouse together and took a seat outside of the courtroom where the disciplinary hearing was scheduled to take place. Alicia winced slightly as she sat down and tried to straighten her back.

“You ok?” Finn asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, my back just hurts a little. Remind me not to fall asleep on my couch again, because I’m both too old and too pregnant for that.”

“I actually thought your couch was pretty comfy. Slept like a baby.”

“The fact that you finished off that bottle of wine may have had something to do with that,” Alicia said dryly.

Finn grinned. “Yeah, maybe.”

Before they could say anything else the doors to the courtroom swung open. “They’re ready for you now,” a clerk informed them.

They got up and headed into the room where Matan was waiting for them. “Come on in, we’re ready.”

“Finn has exercised his right to have his lawyer in this session,” Alicia announced.

“And you’re welcome Mrs. Florrick,” Matan responded.

“It’s Cavanaugh, actually,” she corrected him.

“My apologies, _Ms _Cavanaugh.” He couldn’t have sounded more insincere, even if he tried.

They walked past Matan into the room and were surprised to find Castro occupying one of the three seats of the disciplinary board. “I didn’t realise the State’s Attorney was part of the unit,” said Alicia, trying not to sound surprised.

“I appointed him,” answered Matan as he took his seat at the table.

Finn nodded in Castro’s direction. “Good to see you Jimmy.”

“Finn,” Castro acknowledged his greeting.

Alicia and Finn walked over to their side of the courtroom and Finn took a seat. Alicia put down her bag and grabbed the documents that they had prepared the night before.

“Mr. Polmar and I have taken the liberty to explain in depth any questions that you might have about his prosecution in the Jeffrey Grant case,” Alicia started as she walked towards the panel to hand them a stack of papers. “This is a summary of the evidence, and how much he worked with Mr. Castro on the prosecution.”

“Thank you,” said Matan as he looked through the papers. “And does this cover the detention order?”

“Excuse me?” said Alicia.

“Finn’s detention order in this case,” Matan responded.

Finn looked as surprised as Alicia did. They weren’t expecting this line of questioning. “We were told this was about the handling of the prosecution in general. Does the disciplinary board wish to change its course of action?” Alicia asked.

“No need to change anything,” said Matan. “This is, in fact, about the detention in this case.”

Alicia and Finn shot each other a questioning look.

Matan held up a sheet of paper. “What does this inscription here mean? Gen. den.”

“You know what it means,” said Finn, looking Matan straight in the eye.

Matan didn’t take his eyes off Finn. “I know it usually means general detention. Transferring a defendant into the general population with other criminals to..”

“Encourage a defendant to accept a plea bargain,” Castro finished the sentence for him.

“That’s standard operating procedure,” answered Finn.

Castro looked straight at Finn. “Will Gardner was shot and killed by Jeffrey Grant. Jeffrey Grant grabbed a gun because he was being intimidated and harassed in general population.”  
  
“And you put him there, Finn,” concluded Matan.

Finn looked over at Alicia, but she refused to meet his eye.

Not long after they found themselves outside the courtroom again. A follow-up hearing was scheduled for ten days from today, which would give them ample time to prepare.

Finn sat down on the bench again, looking defeated. “He’s right, I did it. I did it, I transferred him to general population. That’s why he killed Will.”

He looked up at Alicia who was standing a short distance away from him, trying to keep her emotions in check but failing rapidly.

“Are you okay? Do you want to sit down?” he asked.

Alicia shook her head. “No. But I think we need to find you a different lawyer.”

Finn nodded. “Yes, of course. I know you two were close, so if this is too painful for you then I completely understand.”

“It’s so much more than that. The decisions you made, although unintentionally, ultimately caused Will’s death.”

“I know. Like I said, I completely understand why you can’t represent me,” Finn reiterated.

Her eyes were brimming with tears now, threatening to spill over. “No, you don’t understand. The reason I can’t represent you is that, because of your decision, my baby will have to grow up without a father.”

Before he could say anything, she turned on her heel and walked off. Finn was so taken aback by this revelation that he didn’t even think to go after her. He could do nothing but just sit there, unable to fully process what had just happened.

Alicia rushed out of the courthouse as fast as her legs could carry her in her high heels. She was sure that she looked a mess and that people were staring at her, but it barely even registered with her. She just needed to get away from people, to get away from the place where Will’s life had ended so crudely and abruptly.

It wasn’t until she had found refuge in her car that she allowed her tears to flow freely. Her mind was reeling, all the pain and suffering that she had successfully been able to suppress for the last few months came bubbling to the surface all at once.

She had no idea how long she had been sitting in her car, but she found that after a while she had somewhat regained control over her breathing. She willed herself to calm down, _this amount of stress can’t be good for the baby_, she reasoned with herself.

She rummaged around in her handbag for some tissues and took a good look at herself in her rear-view mirror. She looked an absolute mess. Her eyes were red and blotchy from all the crying, her lipstick was smudged and there were traces of mascara on her cheeks.

She dabbed at her face with the tissues and tried to make herself look somewhat presentable. She would have to re-apply her make up before heading to the office. She didn’t think she would be able to get much done today, but she knew that she would at least still have to show her face.

Her train of thought was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. She picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It was Eli, just what she needed right now.

Alicia knew him well enough to know that he would keep bugging her until she answered, so she might as well get it over and done with. “Eli, what can I do for you?”

Her face fell as she listened to what he had to say.

“They published WHAT?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter didn't turn out exactly as planned. First of all it's much longer than I had anticipated, and it's also a lot angstier than I had intended it to be. Sometimes characters just take you in a different direction and that was definitely the case here. I promise that from now one the story will become a lot less angsty.

Alicia came straight home after Eli’s phone call. She had sent a text to Diane and Cary to tell them that she wouldn’t be coming in today. Not the most professional way to deal with the situation, but she wasn’t sure she could manage to keep her emotions in check for an entire phone call where she had to pretend that everything was fine.

She was glad that her apartment building had an underground carpark, which meant that she could avoid the reporters that had already gathered outside her building. They were like vultures, circling around and waiting for the right moment to go in on the offensive. She was so sick and tired of having to deal with reporters. She wished she could just hide until they all went away, but she knew that that wasn’t possible. She would have to face up to reality at some point.

The first thing she did when she walked through the door was grab her computer. She sat down at the dining room table, put it down in front of her and typed in the link that Eli had sent her. Even though she knew what was coming, she still gasped when she saw the article the gossipy website had published.

The headline read:

WHO’S THE DADDY?

And it featured two different pictures. The first one was of Alicia and Finn walking up the steps to the courthouse, with her bump on full display in the form-fitting dress she was wearing. Alicia was shocked that she hadn’t noticed that she was being photographed. She was usually pretty good at sniffing out reporters wherever she went.

But what shocked her most was the second picture that was featured in the article. It was a screenshot from one of the security cameras outside her apartment building, and it showed Finn exiting the building at 6.30 that morning. She had no idea how they had managed to get their hands on those pictures, but it wasn’t good.

She sighed loudly as she placed her elbows on the table and let her head rest in her hands. Just when she thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse, her life managed to find a way to add another layer of complication to it.

A knock on the door brought her out of her train of thought. As expected, it was Eli, and when Alicia opened the door to let him in he looked about as agitated as she felt.

“Thanks for coming Eli, I really appreciate it,” she said to his retreating back, because he had started pacing back and forth through her apartment as soon as he entered.

“We need to nip this in the bud, and quickly,” Eli said. “Other papers and news stations have already started to pick this up and it could be disastrous for Peter. He’s down in the polling as it is after the divorce.”

Alicia looked at him in disbelief. “Uhm, hello, and what about me? It’s mostly disastrous for me personally, and what about my firm?”

Eli waved her off. “Yes, yes of course. It’s a disaster all round. We just need to find a way to deal with it.”

He kept pacing while he typed furiously on his phone and it made Alicia nervous. She had known Eli for years and she knew how worked up he could get, but his demeanour didn’t help to calm her inner turmoil.

“Ok, let’s get down to business. Who is this guy anyway?”

Alicia was glad that Eli had managed to snap himself out of his panic mode and decided it would be best to just answer his questions. “His name is Finn Polmar. He’s an A.S.A.”

Eli looked at her. “He works at the State’s Attorney’s office? That’s not good. The press can link him to Peter.”

Alicia shook her head. “No, he never worked for Peter. He was hired by Castro not that long ago.”

“Well, that’s something at least,” Eli breathed a sigh of relief. “But what the hell was he doing at your apartment that early?”

“Finn is a client,” Alicia began. “And a friend,” she added after a moment’s hesitation. “He needed representation and it was all very last-minute, so he came over yesterday evening to discuss strategies. We worked until late and then he fell asleep on my couch. I know it sounds lame and the press will never accept it as a plausible explanation, but that’s truly what happened.”

Eli didn’t respond right away. Instead he was typing on his phone again. Alicia knew to leave him be when he was like this. He was probably thinking of ways he could spin this to ensure maximum damage control. He was good that way.

“Right, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to draw up a press statement that will be released this afternoon. If that doesn’t calm things down enough you may have to talk to the press.”

Alicia shook her head. “Oh no, I’m not going on air to talk about any of this. Find another way, because that’s not happening.”

“I didn’t say it would have to be on television,” Eli motioned her to calm down. “We’ll just get a friendly reporter in here, you chat to them for a while, they write up a convincing story and that’s it. If we handle this well it’ll all die down in a week or so.”

“It better, because I can’t live like this. And it’s Zach’s graduation next week. I don’t want this to draw any attention away from his big day.”

“Then I’d best get to work,” Eli said as he headed for the door. “I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, don’t go out and don’t talk to anyone who could mess this up even further.”

“I won’t. And thank you,” she called out after him, but he had already pulled the front door shut behind him.

Alicia was relieved that someone else was dealing with the situation for now, but at the same time the feelings of panic were still threatening to overwhelm her.

Lately she had worked so hard on keeping a positive mindset and it had almost worked, but right now the gaping hole of depression that she had threatened to sink into after Will’s death was opening up again at an alarming rate. At this moment she wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and hide under the covers as she had done then, and not come out again.

But she knew that if she did that, she’d be letting go of the last strands of sanity that were keeping her together and functioning. She took a few deep breaths and walked into the kitchen to make tea. She didn’t even want tea, but it kept her hands busy for a few minutes and kept thoughts of hiding away from the rest of the world at bay.

Once her tea was brewed, she grabbed her cup and took it into the living room. Placing the cup on the table in front of her she let herself sink down onto the couch with a sigh. It was hard to imagine that a mere 12 hours ago she had been sitting in the exact same spot, feeling relaxed and somewhat carefree for the first time in months. _That didn’t last long, _she thought to herself.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation and sipping her tea, she put her cup down and reached for her phone instead to make a call.

The call was answered on only the second ring. “Hi,” she heard the familiar voice on the other end.

“Hi,” she replied, suddenly at a loss for words.

“I’m glad you called,” Finn said after a moment of silence.

“I, ah, I’m calling because I owe you an apology- “Alicia began.

“There’s no need to apologise,” Finn interrupted her. “You just received some shocking news and you were hurt. If anything, it should be me apologising to you.”

“No, I shouldn’t have lashed out like that. It’s unacceptable and I’m sorry. Please just accept my apology.”

“Okay then, I will.” By the way he said it, Alicia could tell that he was smiling. Then his tone got more serious again. “Look, Alicia, I had no idea about you and Will. If I had known I would’ve never asked you to be my lawyer.”

“You couldn’t have known. Nobody knew, it was supposed to be a secret until I got divorced.” Her voice trailed off for a moment on that last word, but she quickly shook it off again and carried on. “And honestly, I wouldn’t have taken your case if I didn’t think I was up to it.” Alicia hesitated a moment before continuing. “Have you checked the news recently by any chance?”

“No, I haven’t had a chance. Why?” Finn sounded confused.

“We were photographed outside the courthouse together this morning and some reporter has run some ridiculous story about us, which has now been picked up by other news stations.” Alicia gave him a quick rundown and told him which website to check to see it for himself.

“Wow,” was all Finn could say after a moment.

“Yeah,” Alicia replied. “I am so sorry that you’re caught up in all of this. I’m usually quite good at spotting reporters, but I didn’t see anyone this morning. I guess they’re getting better at hiding from me.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. Don’t apologise for the actions of some sleazy, low-life reporter.”

“Peter’s chief of staff is working on containing the story, so let’s hope he’s successful. And I hope it won’t negatively impact your work.” Alicia sighed.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” said Finn. “Will you be ok?”

“Yeah,” Alicia said. “I’m just going to lie low for a few days. And since we really can’t be seen together now, I’ll ask someone at work to take over your case for me. I’ll let you know tomorrow, is that ok?”

“Sure, and if there’s anything I can do for you just let me know.”

Alicia smiled. “Thanks Finn, I will.”

They said their goodbyes and Alicia hung up, feeling slightly better than she had done ten minutes earlier. 

*

It had been a few hours since she had talked to Finn, but Alicia wasn’t sure how much time had passed exactly. She hadn’t left her spot on the couch and her tea, long since gone gold, had remained untouched. The tv was on but she wasn’t really watching it, it merely served as background noise to drown out the deafening silence of her apartment.

Talking to Finn had made her feel better for a bit, but the lightening of her mood was soon overshadowed again by the feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.

Peter had called earlier to say that the children would be spending at least another night at his place, for which she was grateful. They were better off staying away for a bit so they wouldn’t be exposed to too much media attention. And in addition to that Alicia wasn’t sure she’d be able to put on a brave face for her children and pretend everything was fine.

She was tethering on the edge of a breakdown for the second time in just a few short months, and it took all her strength and determination to keep it together and not go over the edge. The main reason why she had remained on the couch for all this time was because she didn’t dare get close to her bedroom. It would be too easy and too tempting to just dive under the covers and not get out again, but she knew that if she did that she’d be lost.

Another knock on the door brought her back into the here and now. She had no idea who it could be, but she suspected it might be Eli again. She hadn’t heard back from him since he had left her apartment hours earlier.

She rose slowly and made her way over to the hallway. Opening the door, she was surprised to find not Eli, but Diane standing on the other side.

And from the other woman’s reaction she could tell she probably looked a mess.

“I just came by to check if you were ok. I saw the news,” Diane said.

Alicia wanted to respond but suddenly felt herself overwhelmed with emotions and burst into tears.

Diane moved towards her and enveloped her in a hug. Alicia fell into her arms and sobbed into her shoulder.

They stood there for a few minutes just like that. Diane didn’t say anything but just let her be for a while, waiting patiently for her next move. After a moment Alicia lifted her head and sniffed. “I’m sorry. Crying on your shoulder seems to have become a recurring theme recently.”

“Better to let it out,” Diane said.

“God, I haven’t even asked you to come in yet,” Alicia stepped aside and motioned for Diane to step into the apartment.

As they walked over towards the kitchen Alicia sniffed a few more times and wiped some stray tears away.

“Have you eaten?” Diane asked.

Alicia vaguely remembered grabbing a bagel on her way to court that morning, but she hadn’t eaten anything since. She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

Diane looked at her sternly. “Well you need to eat something. You have to keep your strength up.” Not waiting for a reply, she opened the fridge and started rummaging through it but couldn’t really find anything edible in it. “You really need to get some groceries delivered or something,” she commented.

“I know,” Alicia said, shrugging her shoulders.

Diane moved onto the freezer next and after a moment pulled out a frozen pizza. “This’ll have to do,” she said as she held it up for Alicia to see.

Alicia, too tired to argue, sank down on one of the barstools as Diane pottered around in her kitchen, figuring out how to switch the oven on and opening cupboards to retrieve a plate and some glasses.

Diane filled one of the glasses with water and pushed it towards Alicia, who gladly accepted it and took a couple of sips.

“When did my life become such a mess?” Without waiting for a response, she continued. “It feels like whatever I do, whatever happens to me, there’s always a new disaster ready and waiting to pound on me when I least expect it. I can’t seem to catch a break these days.”

Diane nodded her agreement. “I can’t argue with that.”

Alicia let out a sound that sounded like a scoff. “Not to sound too self-pitying or anything, but I really wonder what I did to deserve all this.”

“This isn’t going to help one bit, but I guess sometimes bad things happen to good people. But it hasn’t been all bad though, has it?” Diane added after a moment. “There have been some positives in recent months as well.”  
  
“Like what?” Alicia asked.

“Well, you are running a pretty successful up and coming law firm. You’re expecting a baby,” Diane summed up. “Most people would consider that to be pretty good.”

Alicia looked about ready to break down again. “I almost don’t dare to say this out loud, but sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake to go through with this pregnancy.”

This made Diane look up in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have regrets. It’s just-,” she sighed and paused to get her thoughts in order. “We were never a real couple,” she began after a moment. “Sure, we dated for a while back in law school, but that was twenty years ago and it was never that serious. Then we had an affair as you know. We were going to try being a real couple for the first time, but we never got a chance to.”

When Alicia didn’t say anything for a while after that, Diane broke the silence. “So, what are you saying?”

“When I found out I was pregnant I decided to go through with it on a whim, because I was desperately holding on to a last shred of Will. And now I’m wondering whether I’m simply in love with the idea of us being together, because I will never know whether we could’ve actually worked as a couple. And I feel selfish for choosing to bring a child into the world who will never know their father.” Her bottom lip trembled as she uttered those last words and her eyes were brimming with tears.

Diane walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Will loved you. He didn’t even have to say it, I could just tell by the way he looked at you.”

Alicia looked up at Diane, tears streaming down her face. “And I loved him too, but simply loving each other isn’t always enough.”

Diane shook her head. “There are no certainties in life, and it would be a waste of time to try and figure out what might have happened if things had been different. I knew Will better than most people, and I’m certain he would’ve been overjoyed at the prospect of having a family with you. A bit overwhelmed at first, certainly, but he would’ve loved it.”

Before Alicia could respond, the timer on the oven went off and Diane moved towards it to take the pizza out. She put it on a plate and pushed it towards Alicia. “Here, eat up.”

Alicia reluctantly started eating, and after the first few bites realised how hungry she really was. “Don’t you want any?” she asked.

“No thanks, I had a late lunch with a client. We finished lunch at 3.30 so I’m still pretty full.”

They chatted for a while longer while Alicia polished off the rest of the pizza. She always felt better after talking with Diane, who somehow always knew to say exactly the right things.

Diane checked her watch. “I should go. Kurt’s been away for two weeks on a case and only came home today. I promised I’d meet him for dinner. Will you be ok?”

Alicia nodded. “I’m feeling a lot better, thanks. Now go, don’t keep your man waiting,” she motioned for her to leave.

Diane laughed. “Alright, I’m going. I’ll talk to you, ok?”

“See you at work tomorrow.”

“You’re coming in tomorrow?” Diane looked surprised.

“Yeah, better than sitting at home all day. We’ve got a pretty successful up and coming law firm, remember?” Alicia joked.

Diane picked up her purse and turned to leave, but not before briefly placing her hand on Alicia’s shoulder. “In that case I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. The beginning has been written ages ago and I knew how I wanted to end it, but it was the bit in the middle I was struggling with it. I'm still not 100% happy with it, but it's been ages since I last updated and I didn't want to keep you hanging any longer. So here it is, hope you like it!

Alicia awoke slowly and tried opening her eyes but quickly screwed them shut again. The room was bright, way too bright, and it was difficult for her to see anything. She blinked a few times and took a moment so her eyes could slowly begin to adjust to the light, but the light was so bright that she still couldn’t see much. She was lying in a bed that was not her own, she knew that much, and she could tell that something was off.

Feeling a sudden rush of panic washing over her, one hand flew to her belly. The palm of her hand connected with a small bump, but something was wrong, she sensed an emptiness that hadn’t been there before.

Panic began to rise from the pit of her stomach, but before she had the time to even sit up and look around, an all too familiar voice drew her attention to a corner of the room.

“It’s ok, we’re right here.”

Alicia eyes finally began to focus as she turned her head in the voice’s direction and gasped audibly. She now realised she was in a hospital room and sitting in a chair in a corner was none other than Will. He was beaming, flashing her his broad, boyish grin that never failed to make her smile as well. But rather than keeping eye contact with her the way he usually did, his gaze was drawn down to the little bundle that he was cradling in his strong arms.

“Leesh, she’s so beautiful.” He looked up to meet her eyes again. “Just like her mom.”

He got up and moved towards her bed. Alicia craned her neck to try and catch a glimpse of the newborn, but the view was partially obscured by the blanket the baby was wrapped in so she couldn’t see much more than just the forehead.

Will bent down to kiss her, whispering _I love you_ just before their lips met…

Alicia woke with a start and shot up in bed. Instinctively her hand moved down to her belly, mirroring her dream-self moments earlier, and breathed out a sigh of relief when she realised her bump was still there. She definitely wasn’t dreaming anymore, this was real.

She lay back down again, breathing hard, trying to make sense of what had just happened. She was in her own bed and the room was pitch black, except for the red digits of the alarm clock on her nightstand that read 4.30 am. She didn’t move for a moment and just focused on regaining control over her breathing. It had all been a dream. Just a cruel dream, nothing more. She wiped a hand across her face and realised that she was crying.

As the realisation of the cruel trick her subconscious had played on her fully hit her, she curled up on her side and buried her face in her pillow to muffle the sobs that were wracking her body. The last thing she wanted was for her children to wake up and see her like this. They were worried enough about her already and she didn’t want to add to their anxiety any more than was strictly necessary.

She stayed like that for a while, until finally the tears started to subside. Once she had calmed down sufficiently and was breathing normally again, she got up and tiptoed into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. There in the darkness, slowly sipping her water and staring out of her kitchen window at the city down below, she came to a decision. Whatever happened, she would no longer allow herself to get worked up like this again. Things needed to change, and whatever life or her subconscious would throw at her, from now on she would at least try and put a positive spin on things. She couldn’t allow herself to wallow in despair and self-pity any longer because it wasn’t helping anyone, least of all herself.

She finished her glass of water, placed it in the sink and headed back to bed. As she crawled back in and nestled herself between the sheets, she was surprised at how a change of mindset had managed to change her mood in such a short time. It wouldn’t be easy, and she knew she couldn’t just change herself completely overnight, but she was going to try her damn hardest. Alicia curled up once again, closed her eyes and was asleep within minutes.

*

When she woke up again it was still early, but at least she had managed to catch a few extra hours of sleep. Rather than lounging around in bed for a little longer, she got up immediately. Today was a big day.

She walked into the kitchen and started pulling ingredients out of the cupboards to make pancakes. She then made her way towards her children’s bedrooms and carefully pushed open Zach’s door, peering inside to see if he was awake. He was still sleeping, so she quietly walked over to him and sat down next to him on his bed. She hesitated for a moment, but eventually she reached out and softly pushed a lock of hair out of his face.

After a few moments he opened his eyes and when he realised what was happening, threw her a slightly confused look. “Hey mom, what are you doing?”

She smiled at him. “You’re graduating today. I just wanted to wake you up the way I used to do when you were little, especially since you won’t be here anymore tomorrow.”

Alicia hadn’t been pleased when Zach had dropped the bombshell on her just a few days ago that he’d be leaving for Georgetown immediately after graduation instead of at the end of the summer. But she was starting to come to terms with it, realising that her firstborn wasn’t a baby anymore and needed to find his own way in the world.

“I’m going to make pancakes. Go see if your sister’s awake and meet me in the kitchen.” She got up and made to leave the room, but she couldn’t resist leaning forward and planting a kiss on his forehead the way she did when he was small. “I love you.”

“I love you too, mom,” Zach responded, still unsure of where his mother’s sudden change of behaviour had come from.

On her way to the kitchen Alicia grabbed her laptop and sent out a quick email before getting started on the pancakes.

She only just made it to court in time two hours later, where Diane was already waiting for her. “Sorry I’m late,” she panted as she rushed towards the older woman and came to a standstill, trying to catch her breath.

“Relax, the judge has been delayed. We’ve got fifteen minutes,” Diane said.

Alicia breathed a sigh of relief and sank down on a bench, allowing herself time to get her breathing to slow down. Time had got away from her while she was having breakfast with her children, trying to savour their last moments spent together. After that she had insisted Zach put on his cap and gown so she could snap some pictures of him, to which Zach had grudgingly agreed to indulge his mother.

And before she knew it, she was running late for court. She rushed out of the house and would have left without her phone and handbag if Grace hadn’t come running after her and stopped her before she got on the elevator. Pregnancy brain was clearly getting to her.

“Big day, huh?” Diane commented as she sat down next to her.

Alicia nodded. “I still can’t believe my oldest is flying the nest. Makes me feel old.”

“Well, soon you’ll have a little one again. If that doesn’t keep you young, I don’t know what will,” Diane said, gesturing towards Alicia’s belly.

Alicia laughed. “Let’s hope so, otherwise I’m screwed.”

Diane chuckled and pulled some files from her bag. “You ready for this?”

“I’ve been working on this case for a year, so I’d better be.”

Today was the first proper day of trial for a class action suit they were bringing against a big pharmaceutical company. It was a case Alicia and Cary had first started working on back when they still worked at Lockhart/Gardner, and they had managed to persuade the members of the class to come with them when they started their new firm.

Alicia had been relieved when they managed to sign the class at their new firm, not just because of the potential money it could bring them, but also because the case was close to her heart. They were suing the manufacturers of an anti-nausea drug that had been prescribed to pregnant women, which had resulted in many miscarriages and in some cases even infertility.

Cary had since signed a new big client and was unable to continue working on the case, so Diane had agreed to second-chair it instead. Which worked out well, because having an all-female council would make for better optics. The fact that Alicia was visibly pregnant now that they were going to trial wouldn’t hurt either.

Jury selection and voir dire were already done, so they were diving straight in with the first cross examinations. Alicia and Diane were on a roll, taking turns cross-examining witnesses and firing one question after another at them.

During a short recess they turned around to face the gallery, where Robyn had been observing most of the proceedings. “So, how do you think it’s going?” Diane asked.

“Looks like you’ve got the majority on the jury on your side for now. They seem to be more interested and engaged whenever you or Alicia are talking compared to the opposing council,” Robyn said.

“Well of course it’s early days and we can’t really draw any conclusions yet, but that’s a promising start.” Diane looked pleased.

“Oh, and one other thing,” Robyn turned to Alicia. “You should be the one doing all the objecting. And make sure you stand up while you’re doing it.”

Alicia looked surprised. “Why is that important?”

“Because I’ve noticed that whenever you do, more than half of the jury’s eyes are drawn straight to your belly. Seems to work in our favour,” Robyn said matter-of-factly.

Alicia shot Diane a meaningful look. “Well, in that case let’s take advantage of the situation.”

*

Being back in court was exhilarating, and Alicia didn’t notice the hours flying by. It was only when the judge finally adjourned the court until the next day and she looked at her watch, that she realised she was cutting it pretty fine to get to Zach’s graduation in time.

She grabbed her things, quickly said her goodbyes to Diane and Robyn and rushed out of the courthouse towards her car. As she left the courthouse, she couldn’t help but scan the area for any reporters or photographers, but luckily she didn’t spot any. Eli’s damage control had been effective, but the whole ordeal had left her pretty shaken up. She got in her car and wrote a quick message to Grace to say that she was on her way.

Luckily Grace had texted her the location of their seats in the auditorium, and she had only just slipped into the empty seat next to her daughter to see her son walk up on stage to accept his diploma. She breathed a sigh of relief and then joined in with the rest of their crew to applaud and cheer on her boy.

Afterwards pictures were snapped, hugs and words of congratulations were exchanged and then it was back to Alicia’s place for a celebratory dinner. Despite the presence of both Jackie and Veronica, and much to her relief, everyone managed to be civil to one another and the atmosphere could be described as being relaxed. It was more than Alicia could’ve expected considering the circumstances, and it felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

Even Peter was being reasonably nice to her, which was more than she could’ve hoped for.

Before long everyone headed home and suddenly Alicia found herself alone with her two children for what would be the last time for the foreseeable future. Earlier Zach had told her that he would be leaving that same night rather than the next day, to beat traffic and get a good portion of the journey out of the way before daybreak. Even though it wouldn’t really matter whether he spent one last night under her roof or not, it had still hurt.

Alicia was leaning against the doorpost, observing the near-empty bedroom where her son was packing away the last of his things into a backpack. “Come into the kitchen before you leave and tell your sister to come join us,” she said to him.

When her children joined her in the kitchen a few minutes later she was waiting for them with a smile on her face, her laptop perched on the countertop.

“What’s up mom?” Zach asked.

“Remember how the two of you have been bugging me about the sex of the baby?” she began.

Both of them, especially Grace, had kept asking her to find out the sex of the baby for weeks now.

“Yeah, you said you didn’t want to know,” Grace said.

“I may have changed my mind,” Alicia said with a smile.

“So you know? Are you going to tell us?” Zach asked excitedly.

“No, I don’t know. I asked my doctor this morning to email it to me so we could find out together.” Alicia opened her laptop and pointed at the email. “See, it’s unopened.”

“Wanna find out?” she asked when no reaction came.

“Yes!” both exclaimed in unison.

“Right, here it goes,” said Alicia as she clicked on the email.

Their eyes quickly scanned the email. “YES, Zach you owe me $20!” Grace exclaimed.

Alicia couldn’t peel her eyes away from the computer screen. It was unbelievable, the Will in her dream had been right.

The email just read: Congratulations, it’s a girl.


End file.
